PLEASE NOTE: If you are struggling with infertility or are currently trying to conceive and you DON'T want to read about my pregnancy (which I totally understand), I recommend starting at the beginning of the blog (March 2010) and reading from there. I find out I'm pregnant in June 2011 so there is a lot of trying to conceive posts in between that you might find funny, helpful or relatable. Wishing you all the luck in the world!

Sunday, March 17, 2019

My Body: The Lemon I Live In

I’ve been thinking of the Gilda Radner quote, “It’s always something.” And with me, it always is. Whenever I ask certain people, “What’s new?” and they answer, “Nothing new really.” I’m always floored. Those people exist. They have lives that have their bumps here and there, and your typical stressful life (traffic, paying bills, where did I leave my keys, wrong size cup of Starbucks drink, etc.) but in general, if their lives were a television show, it most likely (and I say this with respect), would have been cancelled within the first season.

My life is on Season Six where I think they may be throwing in new and wild plot points to make sure people are watching. On one hand, I’m a little like, “SIGH. Really? Haven’t I been through enough?” but on the other hand, I appreciate that I have the sense of humor to withstand it and if you know me personally, you know that I’m always determined to make every setback an opportunity for something positive… or at the very least… a punch line.

Let me quickly sum up my life up until this point: I was born, I was shy, I worked through it with a sense of humor, I dealt with crap as we all do, barely graduated college (hated school), had a corporate job by day, was a stand-up comic by night (which wasn’t bad for someone who used to be shy) married another comic, we got married during a hurricane (did I mention my life is never boring?), we tried to conceive and despite being told by my fifth grade health teacher I’d get pregnant if I got sneezed on, I proceeded to need three years of infertility treatment where we depleted our insurance coverage and savings account and after several IVF’s only had ONE embryo to transfer. That one embryo, through a miracle, stayed and became my oldest son, MJ. MJ, when he was born early because I had a problem with my liver during my pregnancy (of course) and he was in the NICU for two weeks (of course). At 18 months, he would be diagnosed as being on the autistic spectrum (and please don’t ask me if it’s because he was vaccinated or conceived through IVF because it does not matter as he’s adorable, loving, high functioning and fabulous so who gives a f*ck?). After years of my infertility struggle, which affected me deeply, I changed the focus of my writing, humor, job, life, etc. and have becoming a fierce women’s health and fertility advocate.

After I had MJ, I needed to have my gallbladder out... because I'm me. The BEST thing is I had it taken out on National Coming Out Day. So yes... my gallbladder was gay. I named him Gary, the Gay Gallbladder and I couldn't have been prouder. KEEP ON CHASING THAT RAINBOW GARY.

After Gary's coming out party, I somehow managed to conceive our second child, lowercase M, who is typical and an incredible asset to his older brother. I again managed to have liver problems during my second pregnancy but luckily, no NICU this time. With my family building days over, I was able to be all about advocating, writing, working, and dedicating myself to something I’m passionate about: educating and raising awareness around health advocacy AND trying to bring some levity to it as well too.

This, by the way, is why as of late, I don’t write here as much. It’s a high-quality problem: I get hired to write for other online resources, companies, clinics, people, etc. This blog saved my life in so many ways when I was in the trying to conceive trenches and now, I can never get to it because I’m helping (I hope) others in the trying to conceive trenches.

But… back to what’s going on.

In 2017, MY HEART BLEW UP. Well, ok. Not blew up but I had a tachycardic episode. I have had a few before then but in October 2017, my heart rate shot up to 220 (spoiler alert: that’s not good) and I needed a heart ablation. I wrote about this HERE. I’m still proud of being the youngest person on the telemetry floor and knew what “the Instagram” was compared to my fellow inmates who were all over the age of 70.

This brings us to my latest health issue: Things have been hunky dory since then... until October 2018. A year after my ablation. It’s like my body gave me a year of peace before it wanted to remind me I’m still it’s bitch. I experienced the most minor little tachycardia episode. I mentioned it to my cardiologist and he suggested we check my thyroid, as that can sometimes impact your heart. I had ZERO idea about this. I had known from my years of working in fertility that the thyroid CAN impact your reproductive health but the more research I’ve done since all of this has gone down, the more I’ve learned just how much the thyroid really does impact.

As it turns out, I have a nodule on the left side of my thyroid that's a pretty decent size. They did a needle biopsy that came back with a 5% to 15% chance of being cancerous. From there, they sent it to a genetics lab to be analyzed and it came back with a "gene expression of being 50% chance of being cancerous".

A quick side note: When I heard the term “gene expression”, my mind immediately went to expressions Gene Wilder would use like, “Strike that… reverse it.” Or “Life! Life, do you hear me?! Give my creation LIIIFEEE!!!!!!” But I digress…

So, on March 20th, this Wednesday, they are removing the left side of my thyroid and doing a pathology report to find out definitively if it’s cancerous. If it is, I’ll have my entire thyroid removed and will be given radioactive oral medication (which means I'll be LESS like Wonder Woman and more like Spider-Man). If it's not cancerous, then I'll have half a thyroid but still my whole sense of humor - RIM SHOT!

For those who have been following me for a while or on social media, you KNOW how much of a fan I am of Wonder Woman so to switch gears to Spider-Man is an issue. I’ve already been searching for Spider-Man pajamas for women and really, they can’t compare. I realize this is not a high priority right now, but I’d like to note that the world needs better super hero pajamas for adults. If I get through this with flying colors, this may be another cause I take up.

Obviously, I've known about this for the last few months but I didn't want to say anything because A) I'm honestly embarrassed and annoyed with myself that I'm having YET ANOTHER F*CKING HEALTH ISSUE and B) I was hoping I'd have more information to give but every test that came back could never say for sure, "Cancer" or "No Cancer". It always ended up in the, "We're not sure" category. Which if you think about it, is so me.

When I was trying to conceive, I was “Unexplained”. My religion is “Agnostic”. Politically, I’m "Independent" and overall, my mood is typically, “Meh”.

The reason I’m sharing  this a few days before my surgery is for a few reasons:
  1. Because it REALLY is always something with me.
  2. Because frankly, I could use some support and humor.
  3. Because I wouldn’t mind any pajama recommendations.
  4. Because as I said at the very start, I firmly believe this is an opportunity to do something good.
In a study by Redbook and HealthyWomen (a non-profit dedicated to providing women with health information) that found that 45% of women over 30 do not make time for their own health, in part because they're busy managing everyone else's. As I called to tell some of my closer friends what’s going on, too many of them told me either they were afraid to go to the doctors and hadn’t been OR they hadn’t been themselves because they made taking their children to the doctor’s but not themselves.

I’ve also reached out to the American Thyroid Association (who have been lovely) and the more I read about all that could go “wrong” with the thyroid, the more I genuinely wanted to help be a part of helping educate others on it.

I’m not sure what the coming weeks will hold since it’s clear my body is a bit of a lemon, but I’m determined to proceed with humor, encourage both men & women to be proactive about their health and provide information about the thyroid (that mysterious butterfly shaped like gland that is currently pissing me off).

So, stay tuned and thank you in advance for following along and the support.

Saturday, April 28, 2018

National Infertility Awareness Week (#NIAW): Putting the A in Awareness!

At Pregnantish Event
Every National Infertility Awareness Week, I typically end up writing two posts. One, at the “start” of the week of my initial thoughts and feelings and then one, near the “end” of the week of anything I learned or have been inspired by during the course of the week. This year, I must say, I learned more than usual.
As it turns out, I learned that “Flip the Script” is historically tied to Adoption. Two of my Twitter friends (@emoglasscase and @apluseffort) pointed this out and I genuinely hadn’t a clue. Here’s one post on Adoption and Flip The Script theme from 2014 from a blog called, “Light of Day Stories”, here’s a blog post from my Twitter friend from 2016 called, “Flip The Script” on adoption, and this is a fascinating video also made in 2014 where adoptees talk about what the adoption experience and narrative as well as what the phrase "flip the script" means to them.

Tote bag by Our Misconception
One of the reasons I’m sharing all of this is “Flip the Script” is being highlighted this week for infertility and adoption is often part of the infertility journey for many AND if “Flip the Script” has traditionally been part of the adoption narrative, it feels only right to combine the two and give a major shout out to it.
In the interest of being fair, many in the adoption community commented that Resolve having NIAW’s theme this year be “flip the script” this year was tone deaf and marginalized the adoption community. Other than being on the Resolve Advocacy Day Committee, I don’t work for Resolve but I have to be honest – I truly in my heart of hearts, don’t think this was intentional. From what I understand, several of the Resolve staff have even themselves have built their family through adoption so I can’t imagine they would ever set out to make anyone feel excluded. Obviously, I can’t speak for them (more on Resolve later in this post), nor would I imagine they would want me to but I can only say that I am personally am grateful to those who pointed this out. I read a Barbara Bush quote last week that put it best, “You get nothing done if you don’t listen to each other.”
#HaveAHeart from

On that note, and unbelievably, during this exact week: Two other noteworthy things happened. A good friend of mine after several IVF plus PGS testing texted me that her embryos were genetically abnormal. Of all weeks, she happened to share with me THIS week that they are going to stop treatment. Two days later, another friend of mine who froze her eggs several years ago after being given a DOR diagnosis emailed that she if officially thawing those eggs to fertilize them to have a child on her own as a single mother. Two totally different outcomes/resolutions… all during National Infertility Awareness Week.

The point is, this is all the ‘A’ in NIAW: Awareness. We can’t raise awareness around infertility if we don’t try to respect and understand that part of that experience is also talking about surrogacy, donor eggs, donor sperm, donor embryos, adoption (domestic, international, and foster), male factor infertility, childless not by choice and more. It's VITAL to remember infertility doesn't have one clear path or just one outcome and we need to not only keep the conversation going but we also need to keep listening.
Adding my humor to PCOS Challenge
As mentioned earlier, I want to quickly say a few words about Resolve. Like any group or person that puts themselves out there in the public eye, people will have varying opinions, judgments, or criticism of them. This, of course, is to be expected and is completely fair. Lord knows people have had plenty towards me over the years and whenever it's occurred, I try and listen first to see if there's truth in it, if I agree and how to handle (not that I do this perfectly every time but this is the goal).
Resolve is one of the few (and probably one of the largest) not-for-profit groups however, that works 24/7, 365 days a year on infertility and fertility related issues. On their website, they cover every topic mentioned above and again, from what I understand, their staff is made up of almost every outcome there is (childfree, adoption, IVF, etc.) So, what I want to say is though I’m certain they don’t do everything perfectly and while they aren’t above criticism, I do want to thank them for their hard work and continued efforts.
Some other not-for-profit hard-working infertility groups that also deserved to be thanked are INCIIDResolve New England, Alliance for Fertility Preservation, Cade Foundation, Path2Parenthood, and PCOS Challenge. I know there are many other not-for-profit groups too in the fertility space so if there are others YOU’D like to thank for raising awareness, PLEASE mention them in the comments! I'm sure they are underpaid and overworked so my guess is they'd appreciate the gratitude.
As we close out NIAW, I ask (read: beg) you to revisit my post from earlier this week and consider either joining me and others at Advocacy Day or, at the very least, writing your lawmaker, representative, senator or HR department about fertility benefits. One of the MANY things I was reminded of for the umpteenth time this week was not everyone has access to fertility benefits or coverage. Treatment shouldn't just be for those who work for big companies or who have deep pockets. It should be for everyone who needs it.
I’d like to close out today’s post and NIAW 2018 with some of the posts I wrote for other places as well and thank YOU for reading:

Wednesday, April 25, 2018

National Infertility Awareness Week #NIAW: Flip The Script - A Call to Action

This is not going to be your ordinary National Infertility Awareness Week post. This is an official, raw, blunt call to action. I’m serious. I’ve had it. I’m officially getting fed up and I plan on putting the “war” in “Social Warrior”.

Let’s start with the beginning of this month, shall we? April 1st. Despite numerous warnings all over social media begging people NOT to post fake pregnancy announcements and memes stating that infertility affects one in eight, and how pregnancy loss impacts one in four, people still posted them including Bachelor Arie Luyendyk Jr. who pulled an April Fools' Day pregnancy prank. In addition, journalist, Marissa Miller, wrote an all-out distasteful piece for Elite Daily (she removed her name from it when she received backlash from the infertility community) about how she fooled her husband by saying she was pregnant when she wasn’t. In both cases, infertility was a punch line. For many like myself, it’s a reality. While we absolutely have a sense of humor about it at times, making our medical condition the butt of a joke isn’t particularly funny.

Research has shown that the stress levels of women with infertility are equivalent to women with cancer, AIDS or heart disease, so there is no question about infertility resulting in enormous stress, yet when there is push back on these jokes or pranks, we’re told we’re being “too sensitive”. Would someone who has cancer be told the same?

On that note, you know who is also not taking us seriously? Our lawmakers, representatives, government, insurance companies and employers. The World Health Organizations recognizes infertility as a medical diagnosis and yet in America, only FIFTEEN states offer insurance coverage for infertility treatment.

There are companies who are, simply put, capitalizing on the fact that infertility is not covered. They
are making money off of the fact that our medical issue is considered “elective”. Fertility treatment is roughly a 7-billion-dollar industry and entrepreneurs have taken notice of this. Companies are seeing there is money to be had and that desperate people are willing to pay anything for just a chance, not even a guarantee, but a chance to maybe have a child.

TO BE CLEAR: I’m not saying all of these companies are evil or ill-intentioned. Some of them are trying to fill a gap, some of the founders have even gone through treatment themselves and some of them even contribute to helping advocate on behalf of the infertility community. But let’s be real too: Some of them don’t give a damn.

I’m on the board of the Advocacy Day planning committee this year and on one of the early calls, I was saying to the group that to me, “Flipping the script” means that on May 23rd, it’s the one day WE GET TO SPEAK FOR OURSELVES. Us. Not the people who think fake pregnancy announcements are funny. Not the companies. Not the lawmakers. Not the 7 of the “1 in 8” but US. The 1’s (if you will). Flipping the script is owning the conversation so we represent ourselves and get the message we need to get out that really, infertility is a medical issue and NOT a personal failure. We need medical care or access to family building options.

And in the sprit of “flip the script”, owning the conversation, and how I started this blog post of being fed up – I need to share with you that I can’t believe I’m going to advocacy day again this year to be like, “Hi. Me again. Asking for the same thing I’ve been asking for the past five years. Please take infertility seriously. I have friends who are about to do their thirteenth IUI that isn’t going to work because they can’t afford IVF. They work for a company who only has 200 employees, so any company that offers fertility benefits won’t work with them and they are in a state that isn’t mandated, soooo really, could you possibly help????”

I know it’s hard to come out of the closet and speak for yourself. Many who deal with infertility stay silent due to feelings of failure, embarrassment or shame. I know this because that is exactly how I was. I was absolutely terrified people would know I couldn’t conceive on my own. Yet, as long as we stay silent, as long as we don’t advocate on our own behalf to lawmakers, our HR department or even to our friends and family to educate them on the fact that infertility is an actual medical issue, it will be “the 7” not impacted by infertility that will control the conversation.

There is no shame in having diminished ovarian reserve, a sperm quality issue, a genetic disorder, blocked fallopian tubes or recurrent pregnancy loss. Any medical reproductive issue does not define your womanhood or manhood just like being diagnosed with diabetes or epilepsy doesn’t define who you are as a person.

As I said, this is a call to action. If you can’t “come out of the infertility closet” or even if you can but can’t make it to advocacy day, PLEASE write letters to your lawmaker, state representative and/or your Human Resources department. As melodramatic as this sounds, YOU ARE A HUMAN BEING WITH A MEDICAL ISSUE. If we don’t start believing that, owning that, explaining and educating others on that, we’re never going to change others thinking. We just can’t continue to let “the 7” do the talking. Please, “flip the script” with me. Let’s make THIS the year we see real change.

Thursday, January 18, 2018

Do You Want Fries with Your Infertility? Raising Our Fertility Game in 2018!

Resolve Night of Hope - December 4, 2017
Mother effer. I’m so sorry it took me THIS long to write another post. A lot has been going on… the holidays (which oddly enough kicked my ass more than usual this year), work (which is a high-quality problem – to be busy and in demand but still), and a stomach flu from hell (one positive is it brought me closer to my 2018 weight goal). Such is life and I know many relate. I swear – everyone I know is either sick, getting over something or has made a comment along the lines of, “This year is off to a crazy start.”

I do want to take a moment though to share some recent pieces I’ve either written or have been included in that are fertility related. Each one of these shines a different light on fertility (the cost of IVF, egg freezing, embryo adoption, increasing access to treatment and increasing awareness on infertility). It’s no bullshit when I say I’m so freaking thrilled to be able to be involved with all of the below. Anything and everything to let the fertile world know, “No really though – Let’s talk about fertility, options and coverage.” Here they are:
  • Click HERE to read a Self Magazine interview I'm included in on the high cost of IVF.
  • Click HERE to read a Babble article that I'm quoted in about egg freezing parties.
  • You can read my piece on Pregnantish regarding Embryo Donation by clicking HERE.
  • This is a BLOG I wrote for the Alliance of Fertility Preservation about the press conference that discussed getting closer to IVF and Fertility Preservation coverage in New York.
  • This is Celmatix's pledge to #SaytheFword in 2018 and I'm included in it along with Maven Clinic, Flutter Health, Tia, Fruitful Fertility, and Fairygodboss to break free from stigmas and empower women to talk fertility. Check out the videos by clicking HERE.
Now, I REALLY want to take a moment and talk about Resolve’s Night of Hope because it directly relates to the infertility community. It was an incredibly inspiring evening and one I'll always remember. Truly.

As some of you know, I used to do stand-up comedy for over 12 years (these days, I’m usually in bed by 8:45pm), so when I was told I’d be making a speech at NOH, it was exciting to feel like I may get to relive some of the good ol’ days. Believe it or not though, a room full of reproductive endocrinologists and medical professionals are a way tougher crowd than a drunk bachelorette party.

Side note: Wouldn’t it be great if like those bachelorettes, everyone at Night of Hope also wore penis crowns? Just an idea to consider for next year.

I knew I had to make my speech a little funny with a strong beginning to ensure people would actually listen to me BUT I also wanted to honor the community who A) voted for my blog and B) supported my sad infertile ass when I was deep in the trenches.

This brings me to the word, “Hope”. The award I was accepting was “Blog of Hope”. When you’re trying to conceive and NOT conceiving, the word ‘hope’ isn’t always the most sunshiny and rainbows of words. Because of low moments in my own journey (no more money, only one embryo after having 13 eggs retrieved, husband and I on the verge of killing each other, etc.), hope became an idea that felt cruel.

More than anything though, it’s the community that has shared their feelings on quotes like, “Don’t give up hope!” and “When the world says, “Give up,” Hope whispers, “Try it one more time.” It’s one of the many things I’ve learned from listening to my fellow fertility challenged friends. While some need hope and thrive on having it, there are others who felt like I did in my low moments and could do without it.

Point is (and yes, I swear I have one) that in my speech, it was important to me to acknowledge what I learned: That while I was accepting this award with tremendous pride, I know that my blog may not offer ‘hope’ as it hopefully offers humor.

So, thank YOU for all the lessons, support, love, humor and for so much more than I can ever say. You can watch/listen to my speech (it’s not long) by clicking HERE. I'll also include my thank yous that were in the program at the very bottom of this post.

Annnnd speaking of humor (not to mention the title of this blog post): I saw this PIECE a week or two back on women eating McDonalds Fries DIRECTLY after sex in the hopes that it makes them more fertile.

Yes. Fertility Fries. Who knew?

Instead of smoking a post coital cigarette, you could indulge in the salty joy only French fries can bring. Fry sex… if you will. Or perhaps a “Happy Meal” with an extra special prize.

I read this and was deeply amused… and well, a little pissed too. Why wasn’t this a trend back when I was in the trying to conceive trenches? I would have loved fries with sex. Come to think of it, there were times I would have loved fries during sex. Or on third though, can the sex – just bring on the fries.

Now, I’m not a doctor nor have I played one on television but medically speaking, I’m not sure I fully understand the correlation between deep fried potatoes and sperm fertilizing eggs but yet, this is apparently a new piece of anecdotal advice along with eating pineapple core and/or drinking cough syrup to conceive. In everything I read about this latest trend, I have yet to read the logic… other than maybe women just want to eat some damn fries.

If I can tie all of the above together, it’s January 2018 and it would seem that we’re STILL trying to explain to people that infertility is an actual medical diagnosis. We need to talk about this. We need for insurance companies and our employers to understand this. We also need our well-intentioned friends and family to appreciate that it’s not going to go away by taking a vacation, adopting or eating fries for that matter (although I still want the fries).

And those examples of “just relax” or “just adopt” I know gets used often but you know why? BECAUSE PEOPLE STILL KEEP SAYING IT. I remember I had approximately four people tell me, “You’re thinking about it too much. Don’t think about it and you’ll get pregnant.” THAT IS NOT HOW IT WORKS.

While I believe in doing all you can to lower your stress for health reasons, if you have blocked tubes, a sperm issue or some other physical, medical (there’s that word again) reason you can’t conceive without help, you can “Ommmm, Namaste” all day long and it’s not going to get you pregnant.

If some of the pieces I’ve shared above, including the press conference here in New York that was held last week about creating coverage for those needing IVF and/or fertility preservation due to a cancer diagnosis, at all sets the tone for 2018, then I’m hoping this is THE year we make some headway. Especially at a time (and I’m going to try to be respectful here) where our government seems to have strong opinions on women and fertility. Whether you agree or disagree with their opinions, I can only say that I hope we all lend our voice to the conversation.

So… this is it. First post of 2018. Let’s kick this year in the balls (or ovaries)… and eat fries for the sheer joy of it and not because it’s medicinal.

Monday, November 6, 2017

Hope and Heart

Let me tell you about the week of October 23rd as it was a roller coaster of a week. I was getting ready for ASRM in San Antonio and even came up with a cutesy-poo meme (of sorts).  Well, I thought it was cute. It was to be my first ASRM conference and I could NOT have been more excited. I would be flying first class to stay at a four-star hotel to meet with some friends, doctor’s, and folks who all care about family building.

On Monday morning, October 23rd, I was on the elliptical when I saw I received an email. It was from Resolve letting me know that my blog was selected as the recipient of the Resolve 2017Hope Award for Best Blog. Given the caliber of the fellow nominees, I could not have been more floored. I’ve been writing this blog since 2009 and was always aware of this award. I also know the majority of the previous winners and I could not be in better company.

I do want to again take a moment and mention my fellow 2017 nominees as these were powerful pieces for this past year's theme, 'Listen Up'. Each of these women honestly and wonderfully shared a unique perspective that I know will resonate with many. I'm honored to have been included in this group. They are:

·         A Hummingbird Pause - Listen Up! For Waiting Mothers

·         Angie.Life - Listen Up! Infertility is a Disease

To get to attend ASRM on the heels of this honor made me even more excited to go. And so the week went on filled with ASRM preparation: Getting business cards ready, packing my best dresses, getting a pedicure, eye brows done, etc. You know… the essentials. When Thursday, October 26th rolled around, I was happy and having a good week and a particularly wonderful day. Then, as I walked home in the afternoon, I felt a familiar feeling that was NOT a good one. Since 2007, I have. on occasion, had something called tachycardia episodes. This means that my heart rate shoots up and more often than not, I pass out. I’ve had two bad attacks in the past few years but usually, they are somewhat small and brief. Plus, if I lay down immediately, they tend to pass. I had been told previously that these episodes would happen because I have low blood pressure and sometimes, my heart rate goes up to pump blood to the brain if my blood pressure drops. Turns out, this wasn’t exactly correct.

But back to the bad feeling and walking home…

I immediately laid down on the side walk. Germs and the white coat I was wearing at the time be damned. I wanted to lay down to avoid passing out and luckily, it worked. However, I couldn’t get back up without almost losing consciousness and my heart rate wasn’t slowing down. As insane as this sounds, I do live in Brooklyn so there are always people about but much to my good fortune, an EMT who just got off duty happened to be walking by. He took my pulse and said to me very seriously, “You need to go to the hospital now.” I explained to him that this happened before and that it was just my blood pressure but he was insistent. I would find out in the ambulance that my pulse was at 210 beats per minute. Even on my best day on the elliptical, I could never get it that high… so always listen to your neighborhood EMT.

I’ll spare you every detail but I ended up being in the hospital from that night until the afternoon of October 31st. This meant no ASRM. No first-class seats. No four-star hotel. Instead, I was in a shitty hospital bed hooked up to monitors next to a woman who cursed at the nurses and felt strongly she didn’t have to wear a hospital gown. Time to update my cutesy-poo meme with a more morose one.

On the 30th, I had a “Electrophysiology and Radio Frequency Ablation” (that’s a mouth full!). Usually, this procedure takes one to two hours. Mine took four. Of course, it took four. Everything with me is difficult. All this time without knowing it, I had an extra “conductor” in my heart that would get into the circuit of things thus elevating my heart rate. It was next to a “good” conductor so I referred to the extra/bad one as it’s evil twin. The goal of this ablation was to burn the bad one (kill it basically) but making matters difficult was A) the bad one was super close to the good one and they were worried they’d affect the good one and B) the bad one was a thick fibrous pain in the ass that wouldn’t’ die an easy death.

Bottom line – It seems to have worked, I’m alive and home. Now the healing (and arguing with the insurance company) begins.

Between the Resolve Award and having to cancel last minute attending ASRM, I received so many texts, emails, messages, posts from the community. The community being infertility friends, Reproductive Endocrinologists, nurses, writers, companies, etc. The list is long and the fact that so many cared to either congratulate me or wish me well all in the course of one week sincerely meant more than I could ever say.

In 2009, when I started writing this blog, I was a sad person who had been trying to get pregnant for some time. I was about to do my first IVF and felt I needed others who understood to connect to. It’s 8 years later and I never would have imagined how much this blog and the “fertility world” would come to mean to me. I’m so grateful to have made the friends I have through this crazy, f’d up journey. And I swear to you – infertility folks have some of the best senses of humor (probably because we need to). The majority of my time in the past 8 years (either trying to conceive, helping support others trying to conceive and eventually going on to work in the fertility space), has been filled with love, support, humor and compassion. Some of the lessons I’ve learned recently is my existence has not gone unnoticed during that time and more importantly, that this community – whether they are on the patient side, the medical side, the advocacy side or all three – they do care about one another. We may not always communicate it well or agree on everything but there is mutual respect and appreciation.

So from the bottom of my recently repaired heart – thank you, thank you thank you for both the Resolve 2017 Hope Award for Best Blog and for your get well wishes. I will spend the next 8 years (and more) trying to repay everyone for their kindness.