PLEASE NOTE: If you are struggling with infertility or are currently trying to conceive and you DON'T want to read about my pregnancy (which I totally understand), I recommend starting at the beginning of the blog (March 2010) and reading from there. I find out I'm pregnant in June 2011 so there is a lot of trying to conceive posts in between that you might find funny, helpful or relatable. Wishing you all the luck in the world!

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Fertility Fight Club!

It should come as no shock to me that if you put a group of hormonally charged women in a room, the fur would fly, but it’s still with grade school excitement that I report to you that I just witnessed a fight on a Baby Chat Board!

Is it obvious I’m starved for entertainment right now?

Regular readers of my blog know that I’ve been avoiding baby chat boards due to my disdain of acronyms. However, when a friend told me that there was trouble a-brewing in an “Actively Trying” chat room, I had to check it out. It was either that, or sort my socks in alphabetical order for the eighth time this week… blue, polka dot, sport socks, yellow…

The “Actively Trying” room is for people who are, well, actively trying to get pregnant. That seems pretty obvious but they still have a little disclaimer on the top of the page clarifying the theme. It states that this board is specifically for women who have been actively trying to get pregnant for quite some time. You really can’t get any clearer than that, right?

However, this did not stop one woman in particular from posting the following:

“Hey! Haven’t been on here in awhile! I had my 3rd child 6 months ago and just found out that I’m pregnant again! So shocked as we weren’t even trying! Just wanted to share the news!” - Connie

Oh no, she di-n’t! When I read this, I knew there was going to be trouble. I immediately went to my music folder on my computer and cued up my West Side Story Soundtrack. TRACK #14 – THE RUMBLE!

At first, there were a series of responses that all said, “Congrats on your BFP!” (That’s “Big Fat Positive”) or “So happy for you! Hope your PG is H&H!” (PG = pregnancy and H&H = Happy and Healthy). Have I mentioned how much I freaking hate those acronyms?!?

Then, one brave soul responded with,

“Um, yay for you but this is an ACTIVELY TRYING board. Not an ‘Ooops, I got pregnant again without even trying’ board.”

After another person echoed the same sentiment, things got ugly. A whole heated exchange took place between approximately thirty women debating whether or not Connie had a right to even post on the Actively Trying page. Some said she could post her happy news anywhere she wanted while others felt it was extremely rude. Words like “cow” and “moron” were thrown around and in one colorful response, the term “F*ckstick” was utilized. Wow. I never knew I could pick up new vocabulary words on a Baby Chat Board! What would be the acronym of that? FKSTK? Here’s a fun sentence: “Congrats on your BFP FKSTK!” Ok. I hate to say it… but LOL!

What amazed me is more were defending Connie than were offended by Connie. Now don’t get me wrong… I’m happy for her but c’mon! Although I’m fairly certain Connie wasn’t trying to be a total ass, you can’t deny that it’s insensitive to post something like that on a board of people who have been through a series of medications, invasive procedures, and in some cases, years upon years of trying to conceive. Most on the board don’t have any kids let alone four like Miss Connie Conception over here. It would be as tacky as if I went to a speed dating evening and yelled to the single folk, “I'M HAPPILY MARRIED BITCHES! SUCK ON THAT!” and then, ran off laughing maniacally.

Hmmm, that sounds kinda fun actually. No, no… I’m not that person. I’m no F*ckstick.

I'll be honest. I’m jealous of Connie. It sucks that there are some women that get pregnant so quickly with little effort. I’m on Day 7 (I think? I’m beginning to lose track. Wait, am I wearing underwear?) of both my two week wait and my doctor suggested “light bed rest”. To read about someone getting pregnant with their FOURTH child without even trying brings out the evil in me. I don’t want to wish anyone ill will, I know this woman has done nothing to me personally, but I’m human and the human in me currently wants to smack Connie in her face for being so insensitive.

You have my word that when I announce my pregnancy (please, dear god let this happen soon!), I’m going to do it with sensitivity, and in a way that won’t hurt anyone’s feelings or that will start a battle of words. I’ll also be aware that even though I know there will be people who are happy for me, they might still be sad for themselves and their own struggles. Women who are in similar predicaments as me can never be ignorant to that fact.

And that’s why we, my fellow fertility challenged friends, will never, ever be f*cksticks.

Can I get a holla?!?!

13 comments:

lowfatlady said...

Wow. What a mess. I have tried going on some message boards, but never really found one I felt comfortable with and kept up with. That f*ckstick made me laugh.

I do think your feelings are right. That was totally insensitive to write that on a board where people who can't have children post. Ugh. Thanks for the explanation on the abbreviations. I knew most of them but H&H was a new one for me.

Secret Sloper said...

Message board flamefests are one of God's little gifts to the bored and infertile. I'm never a participant in the flaming, but they are quite enjoyable as an onlooker.

the2weekwait said...

lowfatlady - There are still acronyms that I haven't a clue what the hell they mean!

Secret Sloper - VERY well said!!!!

RachelP said...

Ha! I have a strong suspicion I know exactly which "actively trying" website you've been on. That whole website is full of DRAMA!

Nadine @ BDG said...

An eloquent way to incorporate f*ckstick into a blog entry.

The Baby Race said...

new to your blog, but omg this post is HILARIOUS. I want to be a f*ckstick and yes at speed dating! It sounds like fun. I have no idea what that woman was thinking, but I love the message board rumble. Thanks for the laugh!

Liz said...

hilarious... the ladies on some such websites can get downright nasty AND crazy! I once posted a hypothetical name list on there (because I am actually actively trying, keyword TRYING) and some lady sent me an email saying that a name I liked sounded like a medical complication and would be teased... but a child would never know the word "hemorrhage" so it really didn't make sense. I also learned the hard way that a lot of posters have no sense of humor or punctuation. Too much drama!

On the flip side... a baby site is how I found my way to this lovely blog!

Baby bump bound said...

Oh my.... if I had a penny for every f*ckstick post on the numerous mommy-to-be sites... I could pay for my next IVF cycle!
I have been on one for over 2 years and still can't believe the madness I witness. I like to pop popcorn, pour myself a glass o wine and enjoy the show.
I am so curious (well kinda) what site it was...but I digress, really they are all the same, no?
Keep on truckin and maybe you should invest in days of the week undies so you don't lose track of what day you are on during the 2WW?? :)

the2weekwait said...

The Baby Race -- WELCOME! And totally my pleasure... and I love the term "message board rumble".

Liz - The "hemorrhage" comment is JUST too priceless! People never cease to amaze me.

I really do think the baby chat boards are a double edge sword. Sometimes they are great and sometimes, they are just too much. I think like chocolate and wine - they should be taken in moderation. :)

the2weekwait said...

And Baby bump bound -- I'm so popping popcorn when the next fight breaks out! Genius! LOL!

Leslie said...

Absolutely Hilarious!!!!!!!! This story made my day! :)

SlackieO said...

Isn't f*ckstick a Christopher Moore-ism, or is that f*cksocks (or maybe they both are)?

Never been on the boards, and thinking my blood pressure won't be up to the inanity... yikes!

Anonymous said...

Naturally-fertile women are so smug!

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