PLEASE NOTE: If you are struggling with infertility or are currently trying to conceive and you DON'T want to read about my pregnancy (which I totally understand), I recommend starting at the beginning of the blog (March 2010) and reading from there. I find out I'm pregnant in June 2011 so there is a lot of trying to conceive posts in between that you might find funny, helpful or relatable. Wishing you all the luck in the world!

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Trying Not to Try

It would be nice to have a decent amount of time where I’m not worrying about my cervical mucus. I'm just sayin'.

I’m currently sitting at my desk looking at bottles of Vitamin E, Evening Primrose Oil and Grapeseed extract and wondering, does any of it really help? Should I eat pineapple? Should I down cough syrup every hour on the hour? How about Raspberry leaves? Baby aspirin? Headstands? Sex with his socks on? Honestly, how many anecdotal cures and old wives tales can one person try without eventually buying some magic beans and having a nervous breakdown?

In the time we’ve been working towards getting pregnant, we’ve tried the old fashioned way, ovulation predication kits, sperm-friendly lubricants, three inseminations (IUI’s) and one long and arduous IVF. At present, we’re taking a break from everything but unprotected sex. Ahhh sex… I must say that it’s nice to be spontaneous and fun again. It’s also nice to be literally back on top without fear of how the gravitational pull will affect Sam’s sperm. After a month of IVF hell – I deserve to be on top.

The trouble with trying for so long though is it’s hard not to try. After months and months of practice, I know by heart all the tell tale signs that I’m about to ovulate. I can even tell without use of a thermometer and without peeing on anything or anyone for that matter. That’s how good I’ve gotten. How do I ignore this information after making it my main focus for so long? When I feel my one of my ovaries cramping from ovulation, what should I do? Put my hands over my ears and sing, “La, la, laaaa… I’m ignoring you mittelschmerz…”

What’s in our favor for not trying is my husband has to go out of town on business around the time that I typically ovulate, so unless there’s one miracle Rambo-like super sperm that plans on hanging around till an unsuspecting egg crosses his path, this month isn’t ideal for conception. So again, keeping these factors in mind, that he’ll be gone around the time I ovulate and that we’re technically “taking a break”, how do I NOT think about this? Do I still try to make for ideal conditions on the off chance that we could actually find success on our own? Or do I just totally give up for awhile? I mean, I had three fertilized eggs inside me last month and none of them cared to implant. What are the odds that this month, with my husband’s sperm will be out of town and without the aid of progesterone and steroids, I’ll actually get pregnant? Slim to none people. SLIM TO NONE.

So, I guess this cycle, there will be no Vitamin E, no comparing my cervical mucus to the egg whites in my fridge and no over the top hopefulness. This cycle will just have to be about crazy monkey sex. I guess things could be worse....


11 comments:

Tillie said...

LMAO at crazy monkey sex...hahaha it is super hard not to pay attention to everything even when there you aren't really "trying". Good luck in keeping relaxed and not worrying about it this month...*hugs*

meg said...

Does "crazy monkey sex" include Tequilla shots??? Perhaps it should! ...I'm just saying....talk about "relaxed"...???
Food for thought!

Al said...

enjoy the crazy monkey sex ;-) After all this time, I know when you mean about how hard not trying is when you've been doing it for so long...it seems unnatural not to try.

bunny said...

Hope will not be squelched! Even when on drugs that suppressed ovulation and might cause birth defects if I did somehow manage to get pregnant, I found myself magically having sex around my fertile window and then thinking...maybe...maybe!

theIVFCompanion said...

I love your posts, they really get the point across. I fully remember being disappointed that I wasn't pg at the end of many cycles that my husband was in another state while I ovulated. Maybe you can write about that if it happens to you too!

I have to tell you, taking a break, even for just a month, from treatment, magic beans and the mental energy of TTC always did wonders for me. It brought back my stamina and will to fight another round so I hope it does for you too!

InfertileNaomi said...

I just got back from the grocery store, buying pineapple and brazil nuts. Not even sure why since I'm a little allergic to pineapple anyways. This morning, I said "screw you infertility" and had a coffee.

Secret Sloper said...

Yes, break cycles for all! Will not knowing the ovulation day make the 2ww more bearable (since we don't know exactly when it is) or much less bearable (for the same reason)? Good luck, either way. I hope we can help each other stay sane and even (dare I suggest it?) relaxed.

Anonymous said...

i absolutely love your blog. you're an amazing journalist--so witty and engaging with your "audience" but still so raw with your thoughts and emotions. i hope that journalism of some sort is your "day job." i've heard story after story of couples conceiving on months that they took a break. hope and pray that you're one of those couples!!! if nothing else, i know lots of couples who conceived on their 2nd IVF. you'll be a wonderful mommy someday soon!!!!

Anonymous said...

Cheeky monkey!

The Infertility Doula said...

It's impossible not to think about it constantly -- once you've entered the world of TTC there's no get it out unless you have a big fat belly to show for it. I do think it's great that you're able to still keep things fun and light with your husband. So I say, you go girl! Have your crazy monkey sex! I could never rise above the obsession of TTC (and infertility) long enough to reach orgasm.

the2weekwait said...

Thank you so much for all your comments. I must say that having your mother-in-law visit RIGHT after your failed IVF, you don't have a lot of time to deal with your feelings so I've been working through them this week I suppose. Your comments are VERY helpful, motivating, and sincerely mean a lot. Bless your hearts... I wish each and every one of you crazy monkey sex. :)

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