PLEASE NOTE: If you are struggling with infertility or are currently trying to conceive and you DON'T want to read about my pregnancy (which I totally understand), I recommend starting at the beginning of the blog (March 2010) and reading from there. I find out I'm pregnant in June 2011 so there is a lot of trying to conceive posts in between that you might find funny, helpful or relatable. Wishing you all the luck in the world!

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Meet Jackson Polyp

Let’s review, shall we?

After about a year and a half of more unprotected sex than a New Jersey teenager, three failed inseminations (including one involving a Starbucks bathroom… don’t ask), many expensive ovulation prediction kits, sperm friendly lubricants, Clomid, primrose oil, baby aspirin, cough syrup, desperation, thousands of dollars, periods of depression and a fantastically failed IVF, I’m still not pregnant. There has been no possible explanation… until perhaps now.

Dr. Smith (Not his real name. He is Italian though so maybe I should call him Dr. Smithoziti) is an older man and I’ve always thought very fondly of him. I had been seeing him for years as just my gynecologist and I always appreciated the intimacy of his office. It’s literally him, his receptionist, one bathroom and about two magazines. Truly. The same two magazines no matter what year it is. You don’t get lost in the shuffle, you get everyone’s undivided attention and you can read your favorite articles over and over again every time you visit. Apparently, Lady Diana Spencer is marrying some chap named Charles…

Dr. Smithoziti also happens to be a reproductive endocrinologist. When my husband and I weren’t getting pregnant; he seemed to be an ideal doctor for our situation. He already knew me, and was well educated in the matter of fertility. However, as time has passed, it became clear that it was perhaps time to cheat on good ol’ Dr. Smithoziti. My husband and I have no discernable issues and Dr. Smithoziti seemed to have no insight. Perhaps someone else could answer the question of why on god’s green earth I’m not pregnant yet.

So, with feelings of guilt and betrayal, I made an appointment with Dr. Brown at a much respected fertility clinic here in New York City. As opposed to Dr. Smithoziti office, there is an entire staff of doctor’s, assistants, nurses and they not only more than one bathroom, but they also have more than two magazines available to read in the waiting room, recent ones too. Can you stand it?!?

Since infertility is their main focus, they have seen and continue to see a countless amount of couples that are having trouble conceiving. They are extremely blasé about everything. “You can’t have kids? Fine. Fill out this paperwork and then you’ll see the doctor. NEXT!” I kind of like this. It makes me feel less like a mutant.

Dr. Brown was very nice and from what he could tell from my blood work, I’m totally fine. My husband, despite having a slightly lower sperm count, was fine as well so the doctor shared our confusion as to why we haven’t gotten pregnant. Nothing like having a medical professional say something like, “Yeah… what’s up with that sh*t?

As a lark, he decided to do a sonogram. Within mere seconds, he pointed to the screen and asked, “What’s that?” Now I don’t know about you but those are words you don’t want to hear when someone is looking at a picture of your uterus. I don’t want any mystery or surprise cameos in my personal area. This isn’t THE LOVE BOAT or FANTASY ISLAND people. It’s my vagina.

Somehow… there appeared to be some sort of polyp in my uterus. They immediately made an appointment for me to do a hystereogram the very next morning. Over a year ago, Dr. Smithoziti did an HSG with saline water but apparently, they aren’t as detailed or as informative as a hystereogram so it was time to get all Ted Turner on my uterus and colorize it with dye. Good times.

The next morning, we confirmed three things:

1. Hystereograms are not fun. I don’t care what the brochure tells you.

2. I have a uterine polyp that is taking up a good amount of space in my uterus.

3. Considering the size, it has probably been there the majority of the time we’ve been trying to get pregnant.

Obviously, this raises many a question. Why didn’t it show up on my initial HSG? Why did I just spend thousands of dollars and lose a year of my life trying to get knocked up when a big polyp was standing in the way of implantation? How in the holy hell did my first doctor miss this after countless sonograms? Was I on some practical joke reality show mocking fertility challenged women? I kept waiting for Ashton Kutcher to pop out of my uterus and say, “You got PUNK’D!

Here’s the thing though and it may shock you: I’m not too upset. Yes, it sucks. This past year could have been so different and maybe I should be pissed at Dr. Smithoziti but it’s pointless. I don’t really know what would have happened had we learned about this sooner, there’s no guarantee that even after we get this polyp removed – we’ll get pregnant immediately and ultimately, there’s nothing I can do to change what’s already happened. Besides, if this is the answer to why we haven’t gotten pregnant yet, then ultimately, I’m grateful. Pissed but grateful.

All in all, I’ve been remarkably calm about all of this and I credit a good attitude, my sense of humor of course, and finally, my special migraine medication which has something in it to relax me. Ahhhhh, that’s the stuff… zzzzzz.

The lesson here is f*ck guilt. Get a second opinion as you simply never know. Sometimes, it’s really not that your first doctor sucks ass as much as it is you just need a pair of fresh eyes.

For now, my surgery is schedule for July 8th. After that, we begin again. In the meantime, I have named my polyp, “Jackson Polyp”. Anything taken up residency in my uterus MUST be creative.

18 comments:

Amanda said...

They usually take pictures/x-rays when they do sonohystograms and HSG's. It may be worth asking Dr. Smith if he sees the polyp when he looks at those old pictures again. That way you will know if it is fast growing or not. That is what I would do--for peace of mind.

lowfatlady said...

Wow, I can't believe he found a polyp. I hope when he removes it that solves all your problems. I second what Amanda said. I would be interested to know if he can see it in the old pics as well. So glad you got a second opinion and are on the right track. Love the name you gave the polyp.

Secret Sloper said...

I like that you're not second-guessing yourself and that you've got a reason to hope your upcoming results will be different the next time around. Answers always feel good, even when they're hard to deal with.

(Oh, and can you either e-mail me or comment on my blog with the name of your new RE? I'm collecting recommendations)

praying4amiracle said...

I have a similar story..short version...A year of trying thousands of dollars gone, found out I have Stage 3 endometriosis after doing lap surgery. I probably would have NEVER got PG, but now I still wait...still not PG...still hanging on to that little thread of hope. Good luck on the surgery in July, I hope everything goes well.

Heidi said...

i'm kind of excited for you that he may have found the "culprit"!!! it's gotta be easier to understand infertility when there COULD BE an explanation... :) so, for that, i am raising my glass of wine to toast a new 2010 summer beginning! it's amazing how God puts people in your life, and i'm certain that your new RE was a part of your path to a baby!!! t-25 days until jackson polyp is destroyed and uterine lining becomes a very fertile ground :)

Slackie O. said...

I'm doing a very belligerent sort of victory dance over here on your behalf! Wiping up the floor with June... July is on notice. Jay's not effin' around anymore!

AL said...

It's got to feel great to go from that nasty unknown "diagnosis" to something known and something that is fixable. But yes, also crazy pissed off that you wasted so much time and money and emotions in vain...ARGH.

Here's two your second polyp-free shot at TTC being a much, much different journey.

BTW what's the recovery time after surgery?

The Infertility Doula said...

I'm so glad you got that second opinion and in truth, I'm glad they found something wrong so that you wouldn't be boxed into the dark corner of the "unexplained" category. I really hope this finally solves it. You know I'll be checking. ;) And hey, at least we know it wasn't endo.

MK said...

Your migraine medication sounds awesome.
:D

Adam and Julia said...

I completely feel your pain. I am an apparent perfect growing environment for polyps. I had a big a$$ one removed last year and came back this year before starting IVF to get checked. I am that one in a thousand whose body hates Clomid. It caused me to grow 28 polyps over the course of a year. Some were small, and some were not so small. Anyway...I had them all removed in May and I am good to go now. Don't worry. The surgery is not half as bad as the HSG. That bad boy hurts!!!!! Once they get those suckers out, you should be good to go! Thinking of you and praying for you. And I love how you named it...wish I had been that creative. Also...I was not at all shocked when they told me either. I have gotten used to the bad news. Good news would shock me. Guess it is good we haven't gotten that yet...but soon!!! They better have the ER ready when we do..lol.

Kitty said...

There's nothing wrong with a 2nd opinion and a pair of fresh eyes is all it takes! Good luck and i'm glad you have some kinda direction.

PS - I love your blog it's totally hilarious! hehe

Meg Coldwells said...

Awesome news that the new doc found the potential culprit! I am thrilled for you that this gets you out of Limbo and on to a new (and positive) course of action! Love the new attitude! Leave the past behind, don't dwell on the 'what ifs' but focus on visualizing your big, fat, prego belly and the beautiful baby that will emerge happy, healthy and wonderful.
I too had a uterine polyp that was not helping my situation...my 3rd RE/infertility specialist found it ~ however, the 2nd I.S. left me septic after a lap surgery to remove a benign cyst and tons of endo which resulted in losing one ovary and frying the other one. I had no viable eggs after that so I was screwed. Good news: I didn't die from the infection, Bad news: I would never have any bio children.
Although I mourned that loss, I moved on because I knew I could still parent.
Sending you lots of love and (fertility) light your new road!
BTW: once you are pregnant will the blog name change to "The Nine Month Wait"???

COME ON BABY said...

Holy shit!!! Wow. Dr. "Smith" may need to throw in the towel and head to Florida.

Great, great news. I am happy you found Dr. Brown. Wishing you the best of luck July 8th.

Conceptionally Challenged said...

Ugh, sorry about the polyp. Hopefully it will take all your problems conceiving along with it on the way out!

the2weekwait said...

Thank you for all the AMAZING comments. I'm really not sure what the hell to think. I mean, I'm hoping this explains thing and I'm keeping a positive attitude but if after "Jackson Polyp" has vacated the premises, nothing happens... I'll be back to square one. Isn't impressive (read: sh*tty) that you never have any guarantees when it comes to TTC?

sienna said...

ugh, i'm soo annoyed on your behalf that your old RE didn't diagnose this polyp, but *yaay* for new RE for seeing it right away. sounds like your days of bfn's are going to be over, and we're gonna be hearing from good news from you after your surgery. goodluck on that, and i'm psyched for you that you have an answer for what's been the dealio :o)

DaisyGal said...

my first time at your blog and I LOVE it.
You are wonderful and funny and amazing and silly and completely entertaining.

I am sorry about the polyp, want to hear the 3 or 4 stories I have about women I know that had them and they found them, removed them and now they bitch and moan more about their kids than I do about mine? (No..not yet??? Ok, I'll keep those stories for later)

GOOD LUCK and good for you. I too left my OB/GYN for a clinic...4 yrs of trying and within 3.5 months of entering thier door I was PG with twins. The stats don't lie...and neither do the magazines from 2008 or 2010 my friend.

Leanne said...

I'm glad you finally got some answers and reasons!

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