PLEASE NOTE: If you are struggling with infertility or are currently trying to conceive and you DON'T want to read about my pregnancy (which I totally understand), I recommend starting at the beginning of the blog (March 2010) and reading from there. I find out I'm pregnant in June 2011 so there is a lot of trying to conceive posts in between that you might find funny, helpful or relatable. Wishing you all the luck in the world!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Rebooting My Uterus

At one of my old office jobs, there was a woman in tech support named Miao. She had moved to America from China only a few years earlier and her English was limited. Whenever anyone called her with any computer issue whether it was related to email, Microsoft word, the keyboard or the entire computer in general, she’d always have the exact same response: “POWER OFF! POWER ON!” and then she’d promptly hang up the phone. The amazing part is these four words were incredibly effective. Nine times out of ten, it would fix your problem without any explanation. I don’t understand how or why but it really doesn’t matter. You can’t argue with results.

After getting a second opinion, I am officially in what I can only describe as “Polyp Purgatory”. I’m in an intermediate state waiting to become polyp-free and possibly reproductively functional. Maybe it’s less like a purgatory and more like a holding pattern? Any which way, working towards getting pregnant has been replaced with working towards getting “Jackson Polyp” the hell out of my uterus.

Somewhat surprisingly, I’m realizing there are sincere benefits to being on hold. A few weeks ago, we decided to try things the old fashioned way and just have a lot of sex and see what happens. Even though we immediately put “Operation Monkey Sex” into effect, neither of us could completely put the chance of conceiving out of our minds. It’s so hard to let go of the hope… even when you’re naked, eating a banana and hanging from a chandelier. Hey – don’t judge.

Having a polyp however has made it clear that we are definitely, without a doubt, on a trying to conceive break. Who knew “Jackson Polyp” was SUCH a cock blocker?

The point is that this polyp purgatory is serving as the “power off” to our trying to conceive... and that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. We’ve almost gone back to the way things were before we started working towards getting pregnant. For over the past year, we’ve had the best intentioned romantic dinners ruined by talks of his sperm count, my cervical mucus and whether or not we should have sex in the morning or at night. These days, none of that matters. Lately, we’ve been discussing our feelings, our families (and competing for which one is more dysfunctional) and most importantly, how in the holy hell my husband could be “Team Jacob”. Seriously! Jacob’s got nice abs and all but have you seen Edward?!? He could eclipse my moon anytime.

I’m sorry. What were we talking about again????

In addition, eating what I want, drinking what I want and not thinking about trying to get knocked up makes me feel like I’m reclaiming my body again. It’s a break I didn’t know I needed but one that I'm enjoying.

On July 8th, I’ll be having a Hysteroscopy & Dilation and Curettage procedure done. From what I’ve read, part of this process will entail scraping out both the polyp and the endometrium (lining of the uterus). The fact that they use the word “scrape” sounds very wrong to me. I mean, scraping your knee is one thing. Scraping your uterus in entirely another. I've never put Bactine on my uterus. My uterus will never fall off its bike and hurt itself so let’s just use the word “remove”, shall we?

Putting the medical description aside for a moment though, I’ve decided to look at it more as an extensive cleaning of my lady parts. I’ve powered my system down, Mr. Clean is coming in and will make my uterus all spic and span! Power off. Power on.

If Miao knew what she was talking about (and I suspect she did), I’ll be back up and running in no time.

16 comments:

Misfits said...

I'm thrilled that the break is giving you guys a break as well. Your IT pal reminds me of "IT crowd" which is a fun thing to watch if you like both dorks and British humor. The Misfit household is all Jacob. Wouldn't werewolf cubs be cute? But, then being a vampire sort of gets you to avoid the IF world altogether.

Secret Sloper said...

As charming a companion as I'm sure Jackson Polyp has been these last months, you must be ready to get rid of him. I had a d&c following my miscarriage. The pain was really, really bad immediately after I woke up, but it subsided a few hours later. The physical recovery is pretty quick.

And I'm in the works to make an appointment with your (new) RE at N.YU! His nurse was so nice on the phone. I'm excited!

lowfatlady said...

I like how you are describing your procedure. Hopefully the deep cleaning will have you ready to in no time. Glad that you and your husband are enjoying yourself again some. An for the record - Team Edward :)

Slackie O. said...

You make me think I'd like a break... if only I had the guts to just stop for a while. I'm sorry it was forced on you, but glad you're getting something good out of it!

(Oh yeah - Team Edward)

Kristin said...

New follower here. You are freaking hillarious, and lord knows I could use some humor these days! :) Thank you!

YumYumQueen said...

Sometimes a break is necessary for both your body and your sanity. I've taken a 3 year break and I do not regret it. Well, I might when the fertility doc adds "advanced age" to my already daunting diagnosis.

I hope that when you "Power On" again things are Spic 'N Span for you and your uterus gets filled with a little more than just a polyp!

Holly
http://www.yummylifecoaching.com

The Infertility Doula said...

Intentional or not, a little "power off" is always a good idea if you can truly abide by it. I'm glad you're taking things in stride and looking forward to hearing about your new and improved uterus.

jensays said...

everyone knows rebooting fixes most things. as does kicking something that doesn't work. i can come kick you if you want

then you kick me, ok?


(whatwouldjendo.com)

Conceptionally Challenged said...

I hope Miao's advice works wonders for you.

AL said...

Hoping that rebooting your ute works and you keep enjoying the break with your hubby.

I'm enjoying mine as much as possible. it's nice to have alcohol and non baby makin' sex back in my life. And conversation with hubby that's not about cycle days. :-)

egghunt said...

I really like the power off power on comparison!

And I have to agree with you about the break from TTC being a godsend. We had about 5 months break earlier in the year and I was dreading it and thought I'd be counting the weeks, hours, days till we were able to 'do something'. But instead I found myself completely absorbed by normal life and it made me realise how warped IF makes you. I know there will always be a tiny part of your brain that still is on the TTC wagon but it's nice that the other 90% gets a mental break from it all. x

Leslie said...

Although the idea of Mr. Clean hanging out in your uterus is a bit disturbing, I hope it does the trick! Anyways, enjoy those cocktails in the meantime.

Anonymous said...

Enjoy your break as much as possible, booze, coffee, sugar, wheat, dairy, hot tubs, hot baths, lifting heavy objects, etc...

I am on a reboot as well, in my second month of lupron depot that has essentially put me into menopause after my results of an endometrial function test. I was devastated at waiting another 3 months before trying IVF, but now for the first time in 2 years, I don't know my cycle day, I don't wakeup and stick a thermother in my mouth, I don't get the transvaginal wand, my husband doesn't have to inject me with anything, and am thinking about something else other than "why can't i get pregnant" (mostly) - and it feels pretty good. I know that in a few months I will be consumed by it again so I am going to do my best to ENJOY and glad to hear you are too!

Crossed Fingers said...

Haha! Love that post. I hope your Power Off Power On idea works for you and you'll be announcing your BFP soon!

Phoebe Wilde said...

Good Luck Powering Off your system and reclaiming your body!!!! I wish I could do that sometimes. I feel like my whole world at points is revolving around trying to get knocked up. It sounds like you are having fun with it and that is awesome!!

KeepOnTrying said...

I am a new follower and love your humor! Thanks for the laugh during this long (and sucky) process.

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