PLEASE NOTE: If you are struggling with infertility or are trying to conceive and you DON'T want to readabout my pregnancy (which I totally understand), I recommend starting at thebeginning of the blog (March2010) and reading from there. I find out I'm pregnant in June 2011 so thereis a lot of trying to conceive posts in between that you might find funny,helpful or especially relatable. Wishing you all the luck in theworld!

Thursday, July 22, 2010

I'm Tired of Peeing On Stuff.

Dear Universe,

I’m tired.

I’m tired of peeing on stuff.

I’m tired of people reminding me my age and that the f*cking clock is ticking. Maybe my clock is digital assholes! Back off!

I’m tired of thinking of comebacks when people ask me why we haven’t had kids yet.

I’m tired of getting unsolicited advice…especially from anyone over 65 years old and who have suggested overly provocative positions.

I’m tired of seeing pregnant women everywhere I go and being jealous.

I’m especially tired of pregnant women who somehow seem thinner than me even though they have a whole other person inside them and I don’t. WTF?

I'm tired of taking my temperature before I can have sex.

I'm tired of hormone induced mood swings (and so is my poor husband).

I’m tired of comparing my cervical mucus to something I make my omelet’s with.

I'm tired of second guessing every cramp.

I'm tired of avoiding pregnant friends.

I'm tired of changing channels when a pregnant story line comes on.

I'm tired of wondering if we are going to become 'cat people'.

I'm tired of another Mother's Day for someone else.

I'm tired of thinking that I'm being punished for something.

I’m tired of people I don’t know looking at my va-jay-jay.
I'm tired of waiting for two weeks, just to get my damn period.

I’m tired of feeling like a failure.

I’m tired of worrying about caffeine. God dammit – I LOVE Starbucks!

I’m tired of using phrases such as insemination, implantation and intervaginal sonograms in regular conversation.

I’m tired of the question, “Sooooo, what’s new with you? Anything exciting?”

I'm tired of the pity faces I get when people here my struggles.

I’m tired of the patronizing happy face that shows up on my ovulation prediction kits when I'm ovulating. It's like, "Yeah, go ahead. Good luck with that loser!"

I’m tired of paying for prenatal vitamins when they’ve so far been “pre-nothing”.

I’m tired of people telling me they got pregnant by accident with their 7th child. (Ok, I’m exaggerating there but you know what I mean).

I’m tired of buying maxipads.

I’m tired of talking to my insurance company about my uterus.

I’m tired of seeing Facebook posts about yet another one of my friends being pregnant and/or giving birth. (I still think I should have posted a picture of my uterine polyp after I had it removed but I’m sure my polyp isn’t as cute as a newborn baby).

I’m tired of being stressed.

I’m tired of the strain.

I’m tired of thinking about all this.

I’m tired of not being pregnant.

I’m tired of not being a mom.

What am I NOT tired of? My husband, having sex (especially crazy monkey sex), Robert Pattinson (Team Edward! Woo hoo!), connecting with fellow fertility challenged friends and having the hope that one day, this will all work out.

Tired but hopeful,

Jay
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51 comments:

  1. Tired but hopeful... that just sums it up. Me too.

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  2. This is a fantastic post. I can relate to every. single. thing. I just want to have one day where I don't feel tired of something. Sadly, the most solace I find these days is in the confines of my own home.

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  3. I hate the question..“Sooooo, what’s new with you? Anything exciting?” I have a few friends who email me every six months or so asking this loaded questions. They can take their question and shove it!

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  4. Tired but hopeful sums it all up for me too.

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  5. That is a fantastic post. I am tired of so many of the same things.

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  7. I was just contemplating a post on the whole "what's new with you?" minefield. I'm tired too, but I'm glad you're still hopeful. And still enjoying the important things in life, like underage vampires :)

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  8. i hear you. i'm freakin exhausted and teetering on the edge of crazyland right now. not good during the middle of an ivf cycle.

    know what i spent 30 minutes doing today? i went through all 400-ish friends on facebook and created a "list" of ppl who's status updates i want to see going forward. i narrowed it down to about 150 ppl who have NO CHANCE of getting pregnant, or who don't have children, or who don't TALK about children. it was well worth the time and effort :o)

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  9. I went to an ultrasound one day and got a different tech who was very silent and I asked her, "Can you explain to me what you're seeing?"
    and she snapped, very meanly, "I don't usually talk while I'm working."
    "Well, I don't usually let total strangers shove sticks up my girl bits, so this will be something new for both of us."

    Okay, I didn't say that, but I wanted to.

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  10. I'm too tired to add more to the list.....all I have to say is, amen, sistah!

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  11. I could have written many of the things your tired of. This journey sucks. I'm glad that some things are going well though.

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  12. Great post!!
    Hold onto the things that you are not tired of and that will get you through this mess!

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  13. just when i think i can't take it anymore and feel alone, i see you are right here with me and i'm not crazy.

    whatwouldjendo.com

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  14. Can I copy that post and mail it to every single person I know? Thanks for making me feel like I am not alone in this!

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  15. I love the "I’m tired of talking to my insurance company about my uterus." I completely agree.

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  16. What a great post!

    I'm tired of seeing my empty uterus on an ultrasound.

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  17. I'm tired of all the same things. I don't wish the pain of infertility on anyone, but it's nice to read about others who are feeling the same things, just so I know I'm not alone (and so I feel a little less crazy).

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  18. I'm tired too. I will be glad when the only 2ww I have Is waiting on my baby to be born. *hugs*

    iclw #31

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  19. I love this post!! And I am totally team Edward too!!

    Happy ICLW

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  20. Man oh man, we're all tired. I'm tired of so many things.

    I'm going to follow you- I like your style.

    ICLW #50

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  21. I hear you. Tired as well, and missing (more) coffee -- there might be a connection, actually. Hang in there. I hope we'll all soon be tired because we're x weeks pregnant and that, or so I hear, makes you really tired.

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  22. This is EXACTLY how I feel, thanks for always making me feel like I am not the only one going through this..I know I'm not but it still hurts when no one I know in my circle of friends or family have any idea what this is doing to me emotionally and physically. I have NO one but a computer to come home to and talk about CM, and IUI, and headaches from Femara, etc etc. This is so draining on women we are all very strong to be going through this and still go to work with a smile ( even though I feel like slapping every PG woman at my work!!!)

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  23. I feel the same way. Thank you for this post. Tired, but hopeful. Maybe one day soon it will be us.

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  24. An emphatic, "Yes!" Sums up how I feel about your post! I'm right there with you!

    ICLW #27

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  26. I am tired of all the breeders that think bringing their spawn to the office is cute and appropriate.
    Thanks for the relatable post!

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  27. Oh do I agree with you on this! I'm so OVER all of it! Ugh.

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  29. Can I just add my signature onto your letter? I'm also lazy.

    Happy ICLW!

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  30. Thank you all so much for confirming that A) I'm not crazy, B) I'm not alone and C) I've got good reason to be bitch ass tired! Wishing each of you the very best as well as some sleep which I think we all could use. :)

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  31. Bless you--I am having one of those days (again) where I just *know* I'm not pg, where I expect to see blood ANY minute, where I get hope at every twinge/every bit of nausea/every time I feel fatigue/ blah blah blah. Just POAS and a BFN. A year a half and it just keeps getting harder and harder exponentially. arrggghhh.

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  32. You hit the nail on the head girl! I am co-hosting a baby shower tomorrow. And I am trying to keep myself in check and not throw a freaking fit . I want this to be my damn baby shower!!!! UGH!!!

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  33. Thank you for this post! Bravo!
    I feel so guilty for how badly I want caffeine considering how important a successful pregnancy is for me. It's like I have to talk myself through saying no to caffeinated drinks everyday.

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  34. I hear you...yawn...great post. Never too tired for chocolate though, surely?

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  35. I am TTC again,and perhaps that makes me not in exactly the same boat, however...This post is so universal to anyone TTC. I can relate, anyone can relate...Hang in there. Your persistance and sense of the rediculous will serve you well. You are already a great Mother. You nuture and encourage MANY women. The baby will come. I promise. Don't let em get to you!!

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  36. Love that post and agree with EVERYTHING on there! I will definately be following you because i could always use a good laugh!
    Happy ICLW!
    Jenn
    #149

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  37. I love this post. Especially the hopeful part.

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  38. I could have written this exact post. Well, not exact because i'm not as funny :-p but I can seriously relate to EVERYTHING.

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  39. I used to be tired of those things. Now I kind of miss them. (Well, sometimes.) Now it's a whole new set of things I am tired of. Hoping it will be over soon...for both of us.

    If you put a picture of your polyp on facebook, I would demand we be facebook friends.

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  40. Love this post. Not sure if I missed this, but I was tired of being judged. People who bashed me for using IF drugs in the first place (when I should just adopt, as if that is any easier).
    I've suffered from PCOS/infertility for over 10 years now. People still judge me saying I couldn't possibly know what its like since I've been blessed with kids, that's completely untrue - they don't know what I went through before the blessings, and the struggles I fight with now.
    I do know God put me through it for a reason, now I'm helping women with PCOS. And look at all the women who you're supporting and helping....amazing job, keep it up!!!!!

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  41. I totally get it! Hoping with you!

    ~Happy ICLW~

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  42. I've been reading you for about a month or so. I can totally relate. I feel like I am taking crazy pills! Hope is all we have.

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  43. Word. I thought bitterly about posting the pics of my empty uterus on Facebook, after the ultrasound confirmed that I had miscarried. You know, just so nobody forgets that I have one, too.

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  44. I could have written this post too. I hate what this has done to me too. I hate that so many of us have posts like this in our blogs. IF bites.

    Love your blog, BTW!

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  45. This post is exactly how I feel! I'm tired but hopeful as well..

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  46. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Your words say it all.

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  47. Tired and hopeful. I hear ya, sister. And people over 65 offering provocative positions? EEEEEWWW!

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  48. The caffeine thing bugs me...it sucks, I need my coffee!
    ICLW #40

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  49. I'm a new reader, and I'll admit I haven't read the entire blog.
    Has the doctor checked your prolactin level? I'm sure they have, but I thought I would mention it. Mine was out of wack (whack), which is it? years ago and medication to lower it changed everything.

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  50. god, I identify with everything, most importantly the caffeine and facebook thing. I quit facebook, as I cannot be bothered with daily updates of baby pictures..great post, most importantly, funny...

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  51. amen to that! we have been ttc for 6 years with no luck. I'm tired of getting on facebook and seing my friends flooding my wall with pictures of their kids...uuuuuuugh!

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