PLEASE NOTE: If you are struggling with infertility or are currently trying to conceive and you DON'T want to read about my pregnancy (which I totally understand), I recommend starting at the beginning of the blog (March 2010) and reading from there. I find out I'm pregnant in June 2011 so there is a lot of trying to conceive posts in between that you might find funny, helpful or relatable. Wishing you all the luck in the world!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Polyp of Passion!

How am I tonight? I can sum it up with these six words: Worried, pensive, anxious and craving cheese.

It’s the night before my surgery to remove my loitering uterine polyp, Jackson Polyp and I don’t know what I’m more upset about: the surgery itself or that I have to wake up at 5am. My sleep is very precious to me… but so is my uterus so what can you do.

I went to the doctor’s yesterday to go over the details and I must say, respectfully, I could have done without that visit. He used words like, “Pull”, “Scrape”, “Cut” and one word that particularly stood out; “Burn”. That’s all I need – a fire in my loins. If this were a romance novel, I’d be ok with that but unfortunately for all of us, it’s not.

If it were though, I’d call it, “Polyp of Passion”. Could you imagine the cover??? Oy.

The doctor also mentioned that I need to get there extra early as I will be meeting a team of people; nurses, anesthesiologists, etc. I can’t think of a worse hour to have a “medical speed dating”. I hope I can form coherent sentences at that time of the morning. It IS an important event where I should communicate well. Otherwise, all my conversations might sound like this:

NURSE: Do you have intercourse regularly?
ME: Zzzzzz. Huh?
NURSE: Do you have intercourse?
ME: (rubbing my eyes) What?
NURSE: INTERCOURSE? DO YOU HAVE INTERCOURSE?
ME: No, I have Blue Cross...

The truth is as nervous as I am about the surgery, I’m more nervous about AFTER the surgery. I don’t mean the recovery part. I mean the “working towards getting pregnant” part. What if Mr. Jackson Polyp hasn’t been the hold up? What if he’s just another plot twist in my attempt to have a child? What if this not the beginning of the end but the end of the beginning?

Dear God… now I’m quoting Winston Churchill.

If I’m being REALLY truthful (and I always am on my blog), I’ll also admit that a part of me is going to miss Jackson Polyp. I’ve given him the best personality. I imagine him as this friendly, well-intentioned polyp that had just been crashing in my uterus for awhile while he figured out what he wanted to do with his life. Yes, he’s a lazy polyp that mooches off of others but let’s face it: he’s the only thing that has grown in my uterus, so I’ve grown attached to him… both literally and figuratively.

However, the time has come for this chapter to end and for the new one to begin. I just don’t know what the hell is IN the next chapter and that’s the scary part. I’m not writing this book. I’m living it and if the author doesn’t give me a happy ending… well… that’s the thing. I have no threat as there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s either going to work out or it’s not. The ending I suppose is how I choose to deal with it all.

And that’s what brings me to my dinner choice tonight: Macaroni and Cheese. Yes damn it – comfort food. When all else fails and I’ve pulled out every cheer up trick in the book, I fall back on what my mom used to make me when I was feeling down. If mounds of cheese can’t ease my fears, nothing will.

Tomorrow night, July 8th, I’m asking everyone I know to indulge in one (or more) things that make you happy that you have either denied yourself or that you don’t get to do very often. It’s my little going away party for Jackson Polyp, but instead of having you over for appetizers, cocktails and party hats, it seemed nicer that everyone got to do something that made them feel better in the privacy of their own homes.

Buy a balloon, listen to that ABBA song you don’t like to admit you like, have a little caffeine, put on your favorite t-shirt, or have a piece of cheese with me. Even though we don't know what the next chapter holds for any of us, let's say "F*ck it all!" on July 8th at 7pm and indulge. If you won't do it for me or yourself, doing it for Jackson Polyp!

23 comments:

Katie said...

GOOD-BYE JACKSON! And good luck tomorrow. :)

jensays said...

Oh jackson, we hardly knew ye
I'm sure you won't miss him and I will indulge in something in your and Jacksons honor

Kristin said...

Good luck tomorrow!! I will think of something to indulge in tomorrow--sushi and a big old glass of red wine is sounding good right now.

Ps. You should really turn this into a book (maybe after you get your happy ending??). Really, you're brilliant. :)

April said...

GOOD LUCK! I love your blog. You're beyond hilarious. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow!

Waiting Lisa said...

I remember how scared I was when I had my surgery to have my polyps removed. I am so sorry you are feeling that way right now. I have been thinking of you all day. The night before the surgery really is the worst part. The anxiety about it all.

It will be for the best that you have it first thing in the morning. You wake up, go in, meet a few random people who act like they are very important, they'll ask you the same questions over and over again, they'll give you drugs and before you know it you are waking up with it all behind you.

And after this surgery, you will be healthy and ready to go. Your lining will be the best it will ever be. Best condition for baby making.

I am having a strawberry daiquiri tomorrow night and I am pretty excited about it.

I promise everything will be ok tomorrow. I have had the surgery many times.

I'll be thinking of you.

Brittani said...

Hit the Road Jack! Good Luck tomorrow!

the2weekwait said...

Thank you, thank you, and thank you a million times more for all the very thoughtful and generous comments. It means a lot as I say goodbye to JP.

AND PLEASE INDULGE TOMORROW! You all deserve it!

Liz said...

vaya con dios, senor polyp!

thisispersonal said...

1) hell yeah mac and cheese! 2) tomorrow nite I'm going to have so much sex in honor of indulgance day. Seriously, though, I'll be thinking of you all day.

AL said...

Best of luck tomorrow -I hope everything goes smoothly and you're not in too much pain. And also, adios, Jackson Polyp!

I'll have a drink in your honor tomorrow - and toast your new uterus :-)

The Baby Race said...

GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!! I'll miss Jackson, but I think it's better he moved on to other pastures.

Heidi said...

thinking of you (and a prayer!)!!!! you'll rock it! i'm starting vacation tomorrow, so i'm pretty sure i'll be into my 3rd or 4th glass of wine by 7PM. cheers to JP's short life!!! RIP!

Meg Coldwells said...

As for meeting the medical team, all you need to remember is one word....DRUGS! (as in KNOCK ME OUT, make sure I don't remember any of this and that I wake up happy and refreshed! And polyp-FREE!!)

Tell them to start that Vallium I.V. drip as soon as you walk through the doors of the surgery center! And yes, we will all 'celebrate' with you at 7pm east/4pm pacific tomorrow ~ On to the new chapter of your journey.
All the best! Sending big hugs and love,
Meg (and Hayden)

sienna said...

goodluck with your surgery today!!!! sending you good vibes :o)

Secret Sloper said...

Good-bye Jackson! Enjoy life in the sterile medical containment facility to which you are bound!

I will be putting down my German homework and reading a romance novel in honor of your polyp-free ute. And then picking the German homework back up. We can't have everything, but sometimes a little is enough.

I look forward to reading the next chapter of this book you're writing and following it all the way to the triumphant end!

Kelly said...

I'm totally indulging tonight for you and your polyp.

Anonymous said...

Good luck on your surgery. I have mine scheduled for August 6th. I'm nervous, but I hope after reading about how easy yours is, I'll be more relaxed. (so here's hoping it is really easy!) And quick recovery too!

Baby bump bound said...

I feel like I do when I go to the MoMa and look at modern art - I don't understand it. I am embarassed to admit, I don't understand what a polyp is or how it gets in the uterus. All I know is it sounds like it doesn't belong there - so off with it's head and maybe one day we can pay homage to JP while sipping champagne and chasing a one-year old.

Good luck with saying bye bye to JP and hope you heal fast!

lowfatlady said...

*hugs to you* I have been thinking about you all day and hoping you are doing well. I hope the recovery isn't as bad as you hoped and that it was the reason you were having if issues so that you will have quick success in trying. P.s the end of your entry made me teary. Good bye jackson polyp.

Katherine & Jesus said...

Girl!!! First of all I want to say I totally admire you and I would love to have your talent for writing. I love writing myself as well. Anyway I have so enjoyed reading your blog ,and I am praying that this is the end Of Jackson and that you will be holding a bean in there soon. You are in my prayers and I know your sx will go smoothly.

Emily said...

Seriously could you bottle your blog? It's the first laugh I've had in days.

Oh and adios Jackson. You provided your hostess with the mostess excellent blogging material, but it's time for you to grow up and move on. Please don't forget to take your carry-on luggage with you and dispose of your trash in the recepticles provided. The next tentant is going to need the space left clean and comfortable.

Misfits said...

I'm hoping Jackson bid you a fond farewell. Thinking of you today with your surgery and sending you good thoughts.

Conceptionally Challenged said...

Hope everything went well!

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