PLEASE NOTE: If you are struggling with infertility or are currently trying to conceive and you DON'T want to read about my pregnancy (which I totally understand), I recommend starting at the beginning of the blog (March 2010) and reading from there. I find out I'm pregnant in June 2011 so there is a lot of trying to conceive posts in between that you might find funny, helpful or relatable. Wishing you all the luck in the world!
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
The Cycle of No Expectations
I’ve been thinking lately about how I was when we first started to try to get pregnant. I was thinner, enthusiastic and diligent about everything I put in my body. Every two week wait, I behaved as if I were pregnant. I’d stop Advil, only used organic make-up; I wouldn’t touch a cleaning product and would read every possible item in my home to see if it contained anything that might hurt my imagined pregnancy.
With the arrival of my bitchy Aunt, I have just completed the first two week wait after my polyp was removed and I must say the experience was extremely different. In the last few weeks, I’ve used dandruff shampoo, I had tuna fish for lunch several times, I took my migraine medication over the weekend and I wore an icy hot patch on my knee a yesterday. It’s so funny to me that “being bad” is having TWO cups of coffee. Ooooo, I’m a rebel! Look out! I may even take a hot bath! That’s right ladies! I’ve gone mad! Muu-ha-ha-ha-haaaa!
Now obviously, I’m not drinking heaps of alcohol or even smoking crack for that matter (although that may be the one thing that will help me lose weight), but the days of automatically assuming I’m pregnant are over.
It’s not that I’m promoting irresponsibility. I’m just saying that until you actually know you’re pregnant, why torture yourself with the minor details? Be responsible but don’t be drive yourself crazy because you the thought of having sushi crossed your mind for a second.
And so we’re clear – I’m not saying this because I’ve given up hope. That’s not the case. It’s more of a “been there, done that” attitude. I’ve been in the two week wait more times than I care to remember and it hasn’t worked out yet so why stress over everything I’m doing, eating or drinking? Plus, I’ve lost count of the amount of women I know who’ve engaged in various activities who all got pregnant no problem, who all had no issues and whose children were all born healthy.
I’m not bitter or anything.
Ok. Maybe a little.
It was my first cycle back and it was a low pressure, low stress one. I’d like to keep it that way for this next cycle too if I can. These days, it’s about reconnecting, regaining a sense of humor, having fun sex (lots of fun sex) and seeing if we can get pregnant naturally this time around now that my uterus has been cleaned out and polished up!
So, here we go again... with expectations in check. It's Cycle Day One - I’m ready, I’m not stressing, and I’m going to go buy myself a naughty nurse or cop costume for ovulation time. That's right. You heard me. Bring it on.