PLEASE NOTE: If you are struggling with infertility or are currently trying to conceive and you DON'T want to read about my pregnancy (which I totally understand), I recommend starting at the beginning of the blog (March 2010) and reading from there. I find out I'm pregnant in June 2011 so there is a lot of trying to conceive posts in between that you might find funny, helpful or relatable. Wishing you all the luck in the world!

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

The Cycle of No Expectations

Today is Cycle Day #1. I’m feeling like Aunt Flo is a stalker I can’t shake. Can you actually file a restraining order against your period?

I’ve been thinking lately about how I was when we first started to try to get pregnant. I was thinner, enthusiastic and diligent about everything I put in my body. Every two week wait, I behaved as if I were pregnant. I’d stop Advil, only used organic make-up; I wouldn’t touch a cleaning product and would read every possible item in my home to see if it contained anything that might hurt my imagined pregnancy.

With the arrival of my bitchy Aunt, I have just completed the first two week wait after my polyp was removed and I must say the experience was extremely different. In the last few weeks, I’ve used dandruff shampoo, I had tuna fish for lunch several times, I took my migraine medication over the weekend and I wore an icy hot patch on my knee a yesterday. It’s so funny to me that “being bad” is having TWO cups of coffee. Ooooo, I’m a rebel! Look out! I may even take a hot bath! That’s right ladies! I’ve gone mad! Muu-ha-ha-ha-haaaa!

Now obviously, I’m not drinking heaps of alcohol or even smoking crack for that matter (although that may be the one thing that will help me lose weight), but the days of automatically assuming I’m pregnant are over.

It’s not that I’m promoting irresponsibility. I’m just saying that until you actually know you’re pregnant, why torture yourself with the minor details? Be responsible but don’t be drive yourself crazy because you the thought of having sushi crossed your mind for a second.

And so we’re clear – I’m not saying this because I’ve given up hope. That’s not the case. It’s more of a “been there, done that” attitude. I’ve been in the two week wait more times than I care to remember and it hasn’t worked out yet so why stress over everything I’m doing, eating or drinking? Plus, I’ve lost count of the amount of women I know who’ve engaged in various activities who all got pregnant no problem, who all had no issues and whose children were all born healthy.

I’m not bitter or anything.

Ok. Maybe a little.

It was my first cycle back and it was a low pressure, low stress one. I’d like to keep it that way for this next cycle too if I can. These days, it’s about reconnecting, regaining a sense of humor, having fun sex (lots of fun sex) and seeing if we can get pregnant naturally this time around now that my uterus has been cleaned out and polished up!

So, here we go again... with expectations in check. It's Cycle Day One - I’m ready, I’m not stressing, and I’m going to go buy myself a naughty nurse or cop costume for ovulation time. That's right. You heard me. Bring it on.

23 comments:

Josey said...

Sounds like a good plan - I'm sure your hubby will appreciate the outfit! :)

I hear ya on the 2ww thing - at this point, I definitely have the "been there done that" attitude about it. I truly think that a couple drinks helps me to relax about this TTC situation more than harm it!!

Kakunaa said...

Woohoo for being naughty!!! You go girl!

Kathleen said...

Ha - I actually own a naughty nurse outfit! My husband loves it. :)

Single Mom 2b said...

As I have embarked on the start of my 4th IUI cycle all I can say is AMEN! I've adopted the same philosophy as of last cycle. Not that I'm going CRAZY... but I'm also not PUPO... good luck with this cycle!!

jensays (what would jen do) said...

hahah you sound just like me. for a long time i was all about watching what i put into my body and now i'm just like HAVE A BEER, TAKE PILLS, USE POISON ON MY SKIN. It's not like looking out for myself was useful in the past.

lowfatlady said...

Enjoy your naughty nurse outfit! I hope this cycle is as stress free as you are hoping!

Heidi said...

i love cycle day #1 for some reason--i always feel like "ok, fresh start. this time it's going to work out, and i can't wait to jumpstart these follicles into shape." i have given up trying to be "good"--i need some things in my life to remain sane. coffee and wine are two of them. i need to get me one of those naughty nurse outfits. do they come with catheters, too, so that DH can just do an IUI at home? :) hope your uterus this month wants to replace that polyp with something that's going to stick around again :)

Kelly said...

Ahhhh...I LOVE the idea of the outfit for O time. :)

I used to be the same way in the beginning of TTC. Times are definitely different now.

J said...

Love the idea! I am the same way about TWW and its just disappointing at the end that I held out for nothing when I could have enjoyed that sushi!!

Good luck!

Sup yo. said...

LMAO I've started to go the same direction as far as not auto assuming I'm pregnant. Now I just assume I'm not.

Have fun buying a naughty little nurse's outfit! :)

heartincharge said...

Hilarious about the hot bath!
I cant imagine if I had avoided hot baths for half of the year for two years.
(my poor hubby however, has not been allowed in a hot tub at all for two years - sorry dahlin)

Do I Have to Be a D.I.N.K.? said...

I am naughty with you...I am so over pretending to be pregnant during the TWW. I totally get where you are coming from!

Jane said...

Ha ha! This is a great post! It had me laughing from "restraining order against your period" to the "naughty nurse costume"! It sounds like you're ready to kick some butt!

And I know what you're saying about denying yourself and then, eventually, saying to hell with it. I am in the "denying myself" phase again (cooooooffffeeee!!!!), but I am so ready to either be knocked up or go on a terrific coffee bender. One or the other, universe, one or the other!!

Kelly said...

I'm so totally with you. I used to live those two weeks like a damn nun, but after months and months of that, you just have to lay off.

It's kind of liberating drinking that damn coffee if you want it, or taking a hot bath if the mood strikes.

Have fun with the costume! I need to pull that trick sometime soon.

suchagoodegg said...

Yes yes yes. I was sooooo good for so long. And a lot of good that did me! In this past 2ww I exercised the day after IUIing (lightly) had coffee, etc. Screw you 2ww!!! I hope THIS cycle is it it it for you.

Andrea said...

I'm rebellling right along with you! And I share that been there, done that mentality. Life's too short, right?

praying4amiracle said...

Wow I really thought I was the only one who did those things in my first 3-4 months of ttc only add, subscription to Fit Pregnancy...buying a random onsie that was a must have, looking at baby furniture in the store, and holding my belly in the mirror like something was actually inside it!
I too am a rebel now and again, I had a pop for the first time in months today, have started working out again, and boxed up all my magazines. I am OVER trying to be so "good" to something that is not even in me!! We both know it is on our minds at least 20 times a day but every little step towards sanity helps : )

Beth said...

Oh, man! The Halloween Store on Broadway - is it still there? Great naughty nurse outfits in there, missy!


xo B

999 Reasons to Laugh at Infertility said...

Screw you, Infertility, I'm drinking coffee! :) and chocolate.
- Naomi

Patty said...

Hee hee. I actually am a nurse...My next two week wait starts in the next couple of days...Hmmm...Naughty...AND COFFEE!!! I'm so there!!

Lauren said...

Totally agree with you. For the past year I've avoided roller coasters, alcohol, coffee, blue cheese, radishes, all kinds of random shit just because I *might* be pregnant. And every time, I'm NOT. So much time wasted! I hate it! Let's rebel, for sure.

Bobbi said...

LOL!!! You're a funny, witty writer. Love it! And, just so you know, I had similar concerns about doing everything RIGHT during my 2 week wait so as to not harm my imaginary baby. I had an appt. with an infertility specialist this past Friday and he said alcohol is okay, so long as you're not trashing yourself every night, and that 1 to 1-1/2 cups of coffee each day is okay. He said over-indulging in either has the TINIEST effect on getting pregnant, to a point that it's not concrete. So, there you have it! In case you were wondering. I'm just glad I still get to enjoy my morning coffee! :)

Now following your blog and looking forward to reading more posts!

~Bobbi @ www.thejohnsonsjourney.com

Brooke said...

"Can you actually file a restraining order against your period?" I LOL'd at the library.

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