PLEASE NOTE: If you are struggling with infertility or are currently trying to conceive and you DON'T want to read about my pregnancy (which I totally understand), I recommend starting at the beginning of the blog (March 2010) and reading from there. I find out I'm pregnant in June 2011 so there is a lot of trying to conceive posts in between that you might find funny, helpful or relatable. Wishing you all the luck in the world!

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Forcing My Groove Back

Talk about a change in attitude? Yes, I still don’t understand the injustices of life (Exhibit A: The success of the reality shows, “Jersey Shore” and “Keeping Up with the Kardashians”) and yes, I’m still very hurt and bitter towards my first reproductive endocrinologist for being such a f*ck stick. However, I’ve decided to move forward because… well… basically… what other options do I have?

This cycle is an all around fresh and hopefully fun start in the working towards conceiving department. On Sunday, in anticipation of my LH Surge this coming week, I cleaned our apartment, took out my thermometer, laid out all my ovulation prediction kits, decorated the bedroom with vanilla scented candles, made sure the sperm friendly lubricant was ready to go and I tried to locate my Catholic School Girl outfit which my husband adores despite the fact that he’s an atheist. I want to not only be conception ready, but I want to literally have fun trying.

It’s strange to say but having fertility issues has made me feel less sexy. It’s not necessarily that my love life has suffered as much as the way I view myself has. Maybe I feel like less of a woman because I haven’t gotten pregnant? Maybe all the “scheduled sex” has killed my libido? Maybe it’s a combination of the two? Honestly, how attractive can you feel after so many doctors are looking at your hoo-ha clinically instead of complimentary? I want a standing ovation dammit… not a suggestion on why my cha-cha is possibly dysfunctional!

Whether or not this new attitude and this cycle results in FINALLY getting knocked up, I’m realizing that one of my top priorities is to get my sexy back. Women should always feel sexy no matter what. If I’ve learned nothing else from RuPaul, it’s that we all have a diva inside of us.

No one is perfect. Really – no one. There are a ton of things I’d love to change about myself and how I look. I wish I were thinner. I wish my legs and arms were more toned. I wish that my hair didn’t lie there like a flaccid penis. I wish a lot of things. But there’s no reason why I can’t work with what I do have. Heck - my husband is a smart man and he seems to think I’m attractive (bless his heart) so perhaps I should stop whining and trust his opinion. Plus, not being thin means I’ve got curves to work with, and there’s little in life that can’t be fixed with some make-up, Velcro rollers and some sexy lingerie. As Helena Rubinstein once said, “There are no ugly women; only lazy ones.

This past year and a half has taken a toll on me in ways I never thought possible. It’s good to throw the occasional pity party (even if it turns into a month long celebration) but one can only mope and mourn so much before it starts to get on ones nerves (namely mine). There have been times in these last few weeks that I even considered breaking up with myself. I’ve wanted to say to myself so many times, “Dude. You’re bringing me down!

So, I went for a bikini wax on my lunch hour (ouch!), I’m getting my nails done, I’m wearing my favorite outfits this week and when my ovulation prediction test gives me the go ahead, I’m going to turn my game on and remember that it’s not JUST about trying to conceive, it’s also about connecting with my husband and enjoying my sexy, curvy and fertility challenged self. Cue the porn music!

33 comments:

Josey said...

Dude, I'm going to print this up, hang it on my mirror, and read it every single day. Awesome.

irrationalexuberance said...

I'm with Josey. That was awesome, and thank you!

Amanda said...

This was awesome!!! You rock!!

The Justin Timberlake song "Sexy Back" is going to be in my head all day now! :)

Slackie O. said...

Waca-waca-waca! You go girlie! (And he is a smart man - so start listening)

Anonymous said...

Thank you, thank you, thank you! I so needed to read this.....after my uneventful pregnancy test this morning!!! Much love to you!

Patty said...

You go girl!! Thanks!

Kakunaa said...

"The Stripper" is dutifully playing in my head now. You make such a point. When things got really bad earlier this year, I felt so....UGLY. Despite being PHYSICALLY the fittest I had been in years. I'm not girly, but all of a sudden I was wearing makeup, cute outfits, etc, in an attempt to bring out the woman I thought was missing due to IF. It does weird things to us. So BRING that sexy back! Wow that hubby...make him WANT to have timed BD.

You rock my world....hair like a flaccid penis. LMAO.

The Steffens said...

OMG, scheduled sex totally killed my libido. And having my hooha looked at daily in a very invasive and not fun way totally made me feel unsexy. You go get your sexy back! And then I'll try to do the same.

-Anika (@EsqWearsPrada)

kateypie35 said...

Bow chica BOW WOWWWWWWWWwwww
you go lady!
Loved this post!

Baby bump bound said...

You go girl... take one for the team!!

Hey, I changed my blog - did you hear? The new URL is: http://ababybumpjourney.blogspot.com/

Patience said...

Well Said! It is so hard to keep that sexy when you are dealing with IF. Kuddos to you!

ICLW

missohkay said...

I can relate too, but mostly I just wanted to compliment you on the mental picture your flaccid penis hair gave me. I rarely laugh out loud at blogs, but that one really got me.

jill's infertility document said...

Get it on! Great post. i think we all needed it. I laughed so hard at the description of your hair. Happy, sexy ICLW!

Secret Sloper said...

I am so proud of you for finding the sexay! I hope that my RE adventures will allow for non-scheduled sexytime fun soon, too.

lady pumpkin said...

You go! Good for you. *Love* "I wish that my hair didn’t lie there like a flaccid penis." Fan-freaking-tastic.

Take care and Happy ICLW!
lp (#133)

Katie said...

Go get em, tiger! ;)

Dandle Dreams said...

Hi back from ICLW. Good for you. I think we could all take a lesson from you and try to love our bodies as much as our partners do. Enjoy yourself :)

Cheryl said...

Hilarious. I'm hearing the music "let's get it on" playing in my head. Handle it!

thisispersonal said...

You have penis-hair? Gross! I mean, HOT! Maybe that will help the cause?

Kelly said...

Shit, I love this post so much. You made me laugh about five times.

Have fun having sex. I know I need to do more of that.

The Infertility Doula said...

Good for you for bringing sexy-back! IF certainly robs you of having sex just for the fun of it, but if you're going to time things, then you might as well enjoy that time with your DH. And yes, he is a smart man, he picked you!

lowfatlady said...

All of your preparations sound great. I hope you have a fantastic time.

Kristin said...

Good for you! It's so easy to lose track of that when you are dealing with infertility. BTW, I almost spewed my iced tea on my keyboard when I read the line about your hair lying there like a flaccid penis...too funny.

#28 ICLW

heartincharge said...

I like to tell myself that infertility makes me more sexy. Sex with me is just for a good time. I'm a 20 year old in a bar, but there's no risk of jail or pregnancy with me.

Tina said...

You go! IF robbed us many things...including the fun we used to have in the bedroom. Good luck, and enjoy!!!

Happy ICLW!!!
#171

Emily said...

*bow-chica-wow-wow*! Good job on bringing the sexy back.

Sara said...

Love this post! You go, girl! :)

Nadine @ BDG said...

Wonderful and inspiring post-- we can all learn a thing or two from Ru Paul, no?

Rotten Eggs said...

Thanks for the chuckle! I needed it this afternoon!


Happy ICLW!!!

Annie said...

It's sad what infertility does to us. Looks like you've inspired a lot of people to fight back! And I'm sure your husband is a very happy man right now.

Anonymous said...

Quick question - what is ICLW #?
love your posts 2ww, I check on every other day!

Jay said...

Just discovered your blog and am loving it!
I'm pretty much at the start of this journey and I've already realized that it I don't have fun with every bit of it (including the waiting, fear, and the uncertainty), it WILL kill me.

the2weekwait said...

As always... thank you all for your funny and extremely generous comments. I adore all of you sexy people!

And anonymous who posted on 8/29: Thank you so, so much! Here is where you can learn more about ICLW: http://www.stirrup-queens.com/2010/08/icomleavwe-august-2010/

Sending you each my very best! Now in the spirit of this entry, go have some great sex!

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