PLEASE NOTE: If you are struggling with infertility or are currently trying to conceive and you DON'T want to read about my pregnancy (which I totally understand), I recommend starting at the beginning of the blog (March 2010) and reading from there. I find out I'm pregnant in June 2011 so there is a lot of trying to conceive posts in between that you might find funny, helpful or relatable. Wishing you all the luck in the world!

Monday, December 20, 2010

The Twelve Days of Infertility (Sung to the “Twelve Days of Christmas”)

The Twelve Days of Infertility
(Sung to the “Twelve Days of Christmas”)


On the first day of Infertility,
My true love sent to me
A sperm count with great motility

On the second day of Infertility,
My true love sent to me
Two OPK’s,
And a sperm count with great motility

On the third day of Infertility,
My true love sent to me
Three Gonal Pens,
Two OPK’s,
And a sperm count with great motility

On the fourth day of Infertility,
My true love sent to me
Four Calling Doctors,
Three Gonal Pens,
Two OPK’s,
And a sperm count with great motility

On the fifth day of Infertility,
My true love sent to me
Five Clomid Pills,
Four Calling Doctors,
Three Gonal Pens,
Two OPK’s,
And a sperm count with great motility

On the sixth day of Infertility,
My true love sent to me
Six follicles a-growing,
Five Clomid Pills,
Four Calling Doctors,
Three Gonal Pens,
Two OPK’s,
And a sperm count with great motility

On the seventh day of Infertility,
My true love sent to me
Seven embryos a-frozen,
Six follicles a-growing,
Five Clomid Pills,
Four Calling Doctors,
Three Gonal Pens,
Two OPK’s,
And a sperm count with great motility

On the eighth day of Infertility,
My true love sent to me
Eight inseminations,
Seven embryos a-frozen,
Six follicles a-growing,
Five Clomid Pills,
Four Calling Doctors,
Three Gonal Pens,
Two OPK’s,
And a sperm count with great motility

On the ninth day of Infertility,
My true love sent to me
Nine egg donations,
Eight inseminations,
Seven embryos a-frozen,
Six follicles a-growing,
Five Clomid Pills,
Four Calling Doctors,
Three Gonal Pens,
Two OPK’s,
And a sperm count with great motility

On the tenth day of Infertility,
My true love sent to me
Ten hormone injections,
Nine egg donations,
Eight inseminations,
Seven embryos a-frozen,
Six follicles a-growing,
Five Clomid Pills,
Four Calling Doctors,
Three Gonal Pens,
Two OPK’s,
And a sperm count with great motility

On the eleventh day of Infertility,
My true love sent to me
Eleven tubes of preseed,
Ten hormone injections,
Nine egg donations,
Eight inseminations,
Seven embryos a-frozen,
Six follicles a-growing,
Five Clomid Pills,
Four Calling Doctors,
Three Gonal Pens,
Two OPK’s,
And a sperm count with great motility

On the twelfth day of Infertility,
My true love sent to me
Twelve thousand debt,
Eleven tubes of preseed,
Ten hormone injections,
Nine egg donations,
Eight inseminations,
Seven embryos a-frozen,
Six follicles a-growing,
Five Clomid Pills,
Four Calling Doctors,
Three Gonal Pens,
Two OPK’s,
And a sperm count with great motility

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And for the record, I WISH there were only twelve days of Infertility.

From the bottom of my heart, I wish you and all of your family (past, present and future) a happy holiday. May the New Year bring us all great joy and happiness.

Best,

Jay

28 comments:

Mary said...

OMG! I love it! Thank you for making me laugh! I needed that!

Kakunaa said...

My hubby just looked at me like I have lost my mind as I sat here LMAO! This was great. Happy Holidays, love!

Secret Sloper said...

Your wit always shines through on the darkest days. I hope you have so much to laugh about in 2011.

Slackie O. said...

Ah Jay - you rock! Thx for the giggle :)

ADSchill said...

Love it! Thank you!

Liz said...

hahaha!!!! My favorite part was when I sang it in my head and got to "Fiiiiiiiiiiive CLOOOOOOOOOOOmid Piiilllllllllss"

Anonymous said...

I just loved it - thank you

Ashley said...

LOL :) Stopping by for ICLW, and I have to say this gave me a huge laugh! Thank you :)

Natalie said...

I love the twelve thousand debt! haha. Thanks for the laugh. Happy Holidays.

The Baby Race said...

You are so creative and hilarious. Love!

Miss Ruby said...

This is brilliant!!


~Happy ICLW~
#14 http://themissruby.blogspot.com/

~May your Christmas be filled with Peace~
~And your New Year with Hope~

Kerrik said...

Thanks for the laugh!

Damita said...

Happy Holiday :)

Ants said...

Haha awesome!
Darn that stupid expensive preseed too, never worked for us-along with all the rest...
Hope you have a great Christmas and New year- 2011 has got to be our year!
Ants
(ICLW #97)

Nancy@thefertilityblogs said...

You're the best! Great post and now the song is stuck in my head all day.

Wish infertility was only 12 days long too!

Sarah S said...

LMAO Very funny!!!

Happy Holidays and Happy ICLW
#50

Whitney Anderson said...

Here from ICLW! Very nicely done. I just did an IVF version of 'Twas the Night Before Christmas on my blog. =)

Alex said...

This is great!!!

sunnymama said...

Lol! Love it! :)

CS said...

Hahah. Love it!

MoonNStarMommy said...

That was GREAT!! LOL...

Happy ICLW from #37 and HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

SurlyMama said...

Love it. Thanks for your light-hearted approach.

~C~ said...

Hahaha, I love it! Merry Christmas and happy ICLW from #52.

Anonymous said...

Very Cute! I'm having the worst Christmas. My husband, without warning, left me just before Thanksgiving. We were in the middle of a fertility cycle...

I just finished having a fibroid removed in July. Had the HSG in early November. Doc put us on Clomid and we were going to try naturally.

We made sweet love for five days before. Went to the doc, she asked us to come in for a post coital the next morning.

He faked an orgasm. The post coital showed nothing alive, nothing dead. When I asked him about it, he said he just didn't want a family as much as I did. Got up and walked out.

10 years. 3 years of infertility. He said he couldn't take my disappointment every month. His love for me turned more into obligation.

On clomid and an estrogen patch, I threw some water in his comics... threw his laundry out the on the lawn etc. Now he isn't talking to me because my behavior was childish. He is suing me for the comics.

Its like he is a different person. Up until the night he left, we fell asleep holding hands. He was with me what I thought was 100%.

I'm so confused and hurt... and can't stop crying. Its awful. Be careful ladies, I guess I didn't see how much my hurt was affecting him. He was there to pick me up when I failed and nobody was there to pick him up. The suing me thing, is a very douchebag thing to do though.

Rochelle said...

That was just the humor I needed today! And yeah, how wonderful it would be if it only lasted 12 days.

I'm sorry for the annoymous poster before me. May 2011 bring much happier times.

Hope you had an amazing Christmas and have a great new year! Lots of love from ICLW #110!

Lisa Marsh said...

Hi Jay,

I'm a straggler, still commenting on ICLW blogs even though December commenting is finished. I'm glad I kept going though, and got to read your 12 days of infertility...very witty. I do love your writing; it has just the right balance of self-awareness, humour, sarcasm and home-truths. I wish you success in everything you do in 2011, and especially in conceiving the baby you want so much.

All the best,
Lisa
ICLW 74 Your Great Life

Rowelin said...

Woah, that's a lot of Preseed!

A Place to be Me said...

:) I'm a new reader to your blog and I usually don't post on really old entries, but this one cracked me up too much not to! Brilliant! :D

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