Infertility Greeting Cards & Random Thoughts

As I’m sure many of you know, in the blogging community, they have something called “Wordless Wednesday”. It's when all over the internet, bloggers post a photograph with no words to explain it on their blog. I’ve ALWAYS wanted to participate in this but frankly; it’s rare that I’m ever without words. The last time I was rendered speechless was when my grandmother told me that if she grew up in a different society, she would have never gotten married and just hooked up with as many men as possible. It's years later and I still can’t think of what to say to that. “Too bad Grandma! You would have made a smashing trollop!”

Yeah, I don’t think so.

Since it is Wednesday and nothing major is going on at this moment other than the “trying-to-save-money-still-infertile-getting-ready-for-my-third-mother-f*cking-in-vitro-while-staying-sane” thing, and since I could never be without words, I thought I’d declare today “Wacky Wednesday” and post some random stuff I’ve been wanting to either say or share but couldn’t figure out when or how. So today is a potpourri of sorts. A mix of infertility madness! A collage of uterine humor! A smattering of silly!

First, here are some random thoughts that have popped into my head recently:

* They should make an Infertility Credit Card where instead of earning points towards air travel and buying products, the points can go towards your next fertility treatment.

* Today, I ordered a book on Amazon that had “Unexplained Infertility, Miscarriage & IVF Failure” in the title and Amazon asked me if I wanted to add it to a Baby Registry. Really Amazon? Really?

* Barbie is technically infertile. Aside from the fact that she’s physically not able to carry the weight of her own boobs much less a child, Ken has no penis. Trust me. I’ve checked.

* In light of PETA’s recent insensitive “Give Your Dog a Vasectomy in Honor of National Infertility Week Contest”, I’m starting a group called PETI: People for the Ethical Treatment of Infertiles. Click here for an extended bitch session on this topic: http://www.fertilityauthority.com/blogger/jay-bronte/2011/04/11/peti-people-ethical-treatment-infertiles

* Is it possible to cook with progesterone oil? A pointless question and yet every time I look at a vial, I think about it. Perhaps I’ll make a fertility stir fry…

* Tori Spelling, Natalie Portman and Rachel Zoe: I didn’t realize that I’d get pregnant if I stopped eating and looked like a human version of a lollipop (big head, teeny body).

* I wish my Aunt Flo were more like Betty White.

* I want to create a T-Shirt that says, "I'm Infertile. Don't Ignore Me."

A few months ago, my dear online friend, @MyLazyOvaries (her blog is: http://slackieo.blogspot.com/), suggested we start a line of Infertile Greeting Cards. This led to an hour of me coming up with the below. It not only distracted me from worrying and otherwise obsessing but it cracked me up. Here are just a few. Hopefully, they'll make you smile:





(Just a joke folks...)



 

Roses are red,
Violettes are blue,
I'm sorry you're infertile,
I'm pissed off for you.



 

All of your friends want you to know tonight,
that we're thinking of your cervical mucus
And hoping it's egg white.

 

Hear you're trying to conceive.
I wish you all the luck.
Whether it's through insemination
Or a really good f*ck.





 



Heard Aunt Flo showed up.
That really does suck.
Sorry you spent all that money.
Guess you're sh*t out of luck.