PLEASE NOTE: If you are struggling with infertility or are currently trying to conceive and you DON'T want to read about my pregnancy (which I totally understand), I recommend starting at the beginning of the blog (March 2010) and reading from there. I find out I'm pregnant in June 2011 so there is a lot of trying to conceive posts in between that you might find funny, helpful or relatable. Wishing you all the luck in the world!

Thursday, June 23, 2011

For The Love Of Macaroni and Cheese

First and foremost, I’m starting a campaign to make Macaroni and Cheese a food group. This is a cause recently taken up by my stomach that seems to want nothing else but macaroni and cheese. To appease my guilt, I’m hoping to get it added to the food pyramid in its very own category. Go with me on this people…

So, as of today, I’m 6 weeks pregnant and tomorrow will be my first ultrasound. I had planned on posting a blog entry after the ultrasound tomorrow but then this morning, I received an adorable, thoughtful email from a reader of mine, Linda, asking for an update. Actually, she said she AND her co-workers wanted an update so thank you Linda and co-workers for checking in on me! By the way, maybe it’s just me but I think LINDA AND CO-WORKERS sounds like a modern day office band. Their first hit single could be, “Photocopy My Love”. What? Why are you all looking at me like that?

Last Friday, my beta was up from 220 to 1894 (which I hear was a very good year) and although it’s been hard to resist, I managed to only pee on one stick this week. Any which way, I’m still amazed that I’m pregnant. Me: The person who never got pregnant. It’s still crazy to me.

I’m still working out what to do with this blog in particular as I sincerely don’t feel entirely comfortable talking about my pregnancy when so many have discovered my site because they are themselves in a two week wait. It’s like starting a website about your dating adventures and then you continue writing on the same site about your marriage. It just feels wrong to me on a certain level. I don’t know though – I go back and forth on it constantly.

And speaking of dating, my quest to find an OB/GYN that takes my insurance and deals with High Risk pregnancies has made me feel like I’m back on looking for some love (although in this case, it’s clinical love). My insurance company referred me to their website but a lot of the information listed are either out of date, or the doctor’s don’t do deliveries anymore or they moved offices entirely. Then, anytime anyone recommends this “amazing” doctor, I call and they don’t take my insurance.

Two days ago, I found a doctor who met all the criteria: Takes my insurance, is an OB/GYN, is actually in the same city as me and specializes in high risk pregnancies. I called, told the nurse that I was thirty-seven, that I got pregnant after my third in vitro and that both of my sister’s pregnancies were difficult ones so I wanted to have a doctor who dealt with high risks. She said they would review my case with the doctor and he would decide whether or not he’d like to take me on as a patient. So, much like my single days, I’m sitting by the phone hoping he’ll call.

It occurred to me after the fact that I should have mentioned I’m also slightly overweight. I said to my husband, “Do you think it’s weird if I call back, ‘Can you also tell the doctor I’m fat?’” Sam talked me out of it. The ONE time I could use being overweight to my advantage and I forgot to mention it! Sh*t!

Meanwhile, I’m learning a few little things that I never knew before about being pregnant (and don’t worry, this list is not a touchy, feely, cutesy poo list).

1. Lately, if I don’t return my mother’s calls in a two hour time span, she freaks out.

2. The smell of flowers apparently makes me nauseous these days. Flowers people. How lame is that? I guess no picnics or botanical garden for me this summer.

3. PMS symptoms and pregnancy symptoms are the same. This is something I was in denial about but now that I’m pregnant, I have to admit it – they so f*cking are. I HATE saying this as I think it prolongs the torture for many of you in the two week wait but sadly, it’s true. Whichever entity came up with that really needs to be bitch slapped.

4. Even though I’ve gotten the elusive “BFP” ('big fat positive' pregnancy test), I still need and deeply appreciate the love and support more than I can say.

5. Finding a good parking spot suddenly makes me emotional.

6. Just because I’m pregnant doesn’t mean that I’ve forgotten for one second how insanely, unfair and painful struggling with infertility can be.

7. I still get annoyed when I see pregnant women (figure that one out!)

8. Aluminum-free organic deodorant does NOT work. I smell like vanilla sweat these days.

9. I have maintained my sense of humor… but now I do so with slightly bigger boobs.

Overall, it’s still so early and I’m definitely nervous (especially about the sonogram tomorrow) but despite the occasional nausea, feeling tired and my fears of all the things that can go wrong, I feel damn good. I’ve worked hard for this and dreamed of being pregnant my whole life, so even though I can’t predict how this pregnancy is going to go, even though I haven’t found an OB/GYN yet that wants to make a commitment, and even though I stink (thanks to my effort to only use organic products), I am very much in the moment. Today, I’m pregnant and I’m happy. I’m also about to have more macaroni and cheese.

Now, Linda and Co-Workers – Get back to work! :)


Lulu said...

First of all, the food pyramid is SO old-fashioned. It's MyPlate now! Get with it!!!

Also, I'm just so very, very happy for you. And I can tell that you are happy and energetic in a way you haven't ever been since I started reading this blog!! I can tell just by your words how excited you are. And you deserve it : )

Brave IVF Girl said...

Love it!

All you can do it take it one day at a time and celebrate as you go.

Peleb said...

I am very happy you updated. I have been looking for posts. I also talk about this blog and share the stories and your good news.I have wanted to email very much but was reluctant. I think it is perfectly ok to write about being pregnant. It is after all what the whole intent was about! I will be looking for some news about the ultrasound... bring kleenx will be emotional for sure. Enjoy it Jay! You so deserve it!

Toni Raquel said...

Haha! I love #5. Happy 6 weeks and I can't wait to see how the ultrasound goes. :)

Anonymous said...

First off, I fully support your endeavor to make mac and cheese a separate food group. Where do I sign?! Second, I am SO excited for your ultrasound tomorrow. I hope all goes well... and I hope you find a great OB/GYN soon, too!

Fingers crossed for all of the above! (Yes, including the mac and cheese. We need to get on that. For real.)

Kara said...

Thank you to Linda and Co-Workers! I think you are definitely my favorite blog I read and I was constantly rooting for you (strange that we've never met and I don't think I've entered left a message and you didn't know I existed before now) so I was thrilled and shocked to see the post. My struggles are no where near like yours so I can't even begin to fathom it but I just found out (finally) that I was pregnant (miscarriage a few months ago) and I am 5 weeks 4 days so we are close! Please keep giving your thoughts bc each cramp I get, I'm like 'oh sh*t, theres my period!' (referring to yur #3 above)

Ok - I always say I hate people that go on and on in comments about their stuff because it's about the writer - but a huge congratulations!!! We're all with you along the way and our fingers are crossed!!! And a big thank you for entertaining us all this time (even on a terrible subject).

Alex said...

Mmmmm mac & cheese. This sounds awesome! I definitely think it needs to be its own category!

So glad to hear things are going well. I love your list - these are very true! I can't wait to hear all about your ultrasound tomorrow. Enjoy it!!!

Le_Barren said...

You're not fat! Nice post...holding my breath for great news tomorrow.

Julia Lynn said...

Awesome! :-) That's a great list you've got there. I hope the doc chooses you! I don't know if you've tried it already, but I swear by the crystal deodorant. It can be found as a solid crystal (which I prefer), a roll-on, and a spray. I tried all the different stick deodorants that were organic and not an anti-perspirant and I went around smelling like sweat mixed with something tryingto cover it up. With the crystal, I still sweat, which I've gotten used to, but don't smell like sweat (except for a moment sometimes until I expose my pits to air for a bit-TMI). DH uses it too. I have to apply more than him and cover a broader surface area, but once I figured out how much and where all to apply it, I have had no problems. AND it lasts 24 hrs (I have put this to the test). :-) it originally sounded like a crazy method of odor control, but now I swear by it.

Also, whenever you finally decide what to do regarding your blog, please let me know how I can find you if you start a new one ;-)

SO freaking happy for you!!!!

Natalie said...

I'm glad you are still doing so well. 6 weeks is great, just take it one week at a time. Good luck finding an OB. I have been through more than I can count in the 7 years of IF and 1.5 pregnancies. They quit delivering, they don't understand my fertility challenges, they move away. With my first pregnancy (after three years of IF) I thought I had the most amazing doctor, but then I ended up going into labor when he was on vacation and go the fill-in doc at the hospital anyways. This time I found another great doctor, but in the three years it took me to get pregnant again she retired and I was once again looking for a doctor. What a pain! My advice is that the hard part is over, you're pregnant, the next 8 months are just about listening to the heartbeat and waiting, so really as long as they are decent, it doesn't matter too much. So try not to stress too much about that decision.

Have a great ultrasound tomorrow! I can't wait to hear!

Sandy said...

So happy for you! I hope you have a great appointment tomorrow!

Amanda said...

Just wanted you to know I'm insanely happy for you. My little miracle is swinging in his swing, it took me two years and plenty of intervention to make him. Pregnancy after loss/infertility is a roller coaster, from feeling like the luckiest human being on earth to being convinced something is going to go wrong. Just take a deep breath and hold on!! Thank you for all your blogs. I love how you put so many of my feelings into words!! all the mac and cheese you want!

Secret Sloper said...

Mac & cheese is the official food of 1st tri. It changed for me after the first 12 weeks, though, and might for you as well. (Thank goodness!)

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow. Make sure to ask Dr. W for her recs on docs--give her some hospitals where you'd like to deliver and she can give you some names. Maybe even will be able to match people to your insurance. LG and I bawled our eyes out at our 6 week appt--happy, happy tears--and I pray for the same for you.

Dana said...

I've been thinking of you and hoping that everyone continues to go well. Looking forward to your update after your ultrasound tomorrow.

I've struggled with the blog thing too and I ended up starting a new blog the last time I got pregnant. But I had trouble knowing which blog to post certain updates on. My situation is different than yours, but sometimes I wish I had just kept one blog. I started a new one because I was worried that my new circumstances would be hard for some to read. I've learned that some people just aren't going to keep reading anyway and some are, so do what feels right to you.

Your beta sounds great! I hope the high risk doctor will take you and that will be one more item off your list. I was stressed out when I was figuring out which OB I wanted.

It was bananas that did it for me when I was pregnant. I could eat them, but I could not stand the smell of them. Commercials made me very emotional, and some songs. I would often cry during them.

SLESE1014 said...

Mac N Cheese should be, but before I got pregnant, I believed ranch should also be it's own food group. Now that I am where I am...I've been living on PB&J and Mac n husband says I have the diet of a 5 year old.

Mel over at Stirrup Queens wrote a post about keeping the name of her blog. I posted about it after you posted. I think for now until the baby is in our arms, I'm still frustrated with my fertility problems and you'll still be waiting...right now my appointments are 2 weeks apart because I'm high risk now so I'm still in a 2WW...all the effing time!

Good luck with your decision, but if you do change your blog, start a new one, whatever, please let us readers know...I know I look forward to catching up and following your progression!!

Waiting for good news about your ultrasound tomorrow!!

Anonymous said...

#3 made me LOL! BTW, if you are ever in TN or AL, Jim & Nicks BBQ has the very best Mac & Cheese you'll ever put in your mouth!!! Thinking of you & thanks for the update!! Hope all goes well with your ultrasound!

nurslouisa said...

Good luck tommorow! I will definately sign any petition that increases the amount of pasta I can eat.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the update! Now the big question is - are you doing the instant mac and cheese or homemade? Because if you haven't attempted homemade yet - well, you really need to. That in itself needs a hole pyramid level.
I don't think you should change the blog. At the end of the day, as long as you're not in danger of fruit metaphors preggo memes, and other smugness that is in the realm of fertiles, you're fine here. And I'm pretty sure you're not going to be comparing your baby to a kumquat. :-)
An infertile is always an infertile on some level, and we need you to stick around as a success story!

Anonymous said...

Please keep this blog going. It's about YOUR journey and YOUR life and your pregnancy is obviously a huge part of that.

ADSchill said...

I love that list. I think you are an amazing person to have survived all those IVFs and come out on top.
I am waiting for my Beta right now and the humor helps keep me sane.

Thanks for the laughs.


kkasun said...

I still crave the Stouffers Mac n Cheese!!!It is the best adn most fattening, thus reiterating the best comment.
Good luck tomorrow, I didn't get an u/s at 6 weeks, so I don't know what they look like at that point, but just seeing something in there is the best feeling!!!

Lace said...

In the South...mac n cheese so counts as a vegetable. So do french you can weight that altogether.
I'm hoping you have a great 6 weeks u/s... enjoy it! Because after your follow up u/s around 10 weeks, they come few and far between :(

EBC said...

oh my gosh...i totally experienced #1 today (my mom has known for all of three days...meaning, i made it 12 weeks just fine without her craziness). i told her to try to embrace the phrase "ignorance is bliss". her reply was, "well, it's just hard when you've (meaning HER) wanted this so bad." my reply...hanging up because telling your mother to f-off is just not cool. sigh. hope you and your mom can come to a sane agreement on communication for the next 34 weeks.

Briana said...

thanks for the update. its given me hope that I, too, will be pregnant someday.

and don't stop blogging. I would just miss your humor too much!

Lillian said...

Congrats Jay! Great news all around! Like mommyodyssey, I would love to hear more details about the mac & cheese itself. (Is that wrong?)

Also, a big THANK YOU to Linda, for making this update happen. I'd been wondering and wondering how things were going, yet hadn't thought to email you.

Emily W. said...

I'll take on the Two Week Wait blog. Shall I audition with the meltdown I had at the RE after she looked at me and told me my official diagnosis is "Bad Luck"? And then she looked truly shocked that I burst into tears. WTF?
Nothing like unexplained infertility.

How do you treat bad luck? Apparently with Clomid and progesterone. Nevermind that sends me to crazy town.

Thanks for keeping us updated. I need to get hope from somewhere these days.

Articia said...

Whatever you do w your url/blog name, just keep writing! Your blog is my absolute favorite and I want to read all about your experiences. You are such a wonderful writer.

Anonymous said...

Jay, I think you should keep your blog, if any thing it gives us all HOPE and that is a positive thing! I got such a nice surprise when I checked back in on your blog, after my IVF 1 didn't work and was so surprised you are pregnant, it was great news! Enjoy every moment of your pregnancy.

One perfect emby said...

Oooh goodluck on the scan tomorrow Im sure everything will be fine...
Im in Australia and I have same problem did not realise I must book in the best Ob in town on date of conception...I nearly missed out on picking one of the best I had to change due date by 3 days and they had one spot...I couldnt believe the pressure we have in choosing a ob/gyn when we are still settling into being pregnant and its still early days...

M said...

Congratulations on your pregnancy! I look forward to reading about your ultrasound. :)

Mac and cheese as a separate food group: hell, yeah.

ICLW #144

JM said...

You had me at "Mac and Cheese". Love.

I wonder if these flowers would have the same effect on you?

tracey said...

Love your voice. I'm Tracey from ICLW#118
Congrats! Enjoy it all and assume all will be well until the unlikely time soemthing changes in that regard. You've earned that good parking spot. And you will always be able to help infertiles. I blog for my old RE at thefertilitydaily 14 years after my long awaited (6 freakin fresh IVFs!)BFP! Now you're just experiencing more you can share. It's not only about getting pregnant after IF, its every moment after getting pregnant after IF. Good luck!

Treatment said...

Okay, so that one about Amazon had me actually laughing out loud, giggling to be exact. Thanks!

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