“Jay?” my husband said. “Can you sit down for a moment?”
As I was putting down my purse and getting comfortable, I tried to rack my brain figuring out what I had done.
“Honey, you have to stop peeing on so many sticks.” He said. “I almost brushed my teeth with one this morning.”
Yes. It was a Pee Stick Intervention. Clearly, I’m still shocked that I’m finally pregnant.
On that note, I want to sincerely thank all of you who commented on my “Level Two” post. The comments were so gracious, sweet and in some cases, downright hilarious.
I was also touched by how many of you got annoyed with me for not getting to the point sooner. I love that we’ve grown so close that you feel comfortable to be like, “Way to drag it out lady!” I found it both adorable and touching. Maybe it’s because that’s how my family talk to each other. My dad just said me the other day, “Your mother told me a joke so long and convoluted that I thought I was watching THE LORD OF THE RINGS all over again!”
Believe it or not, not announcing the good news straight away was a very conscious choice on my part. It wasn’t that I wanted to build tension or keep you guessing as much as it was fulfilling a promise that I made to myself, that if I ever did get pregnant, I would write a blog entry in the same format and style as any of my other blog entries. I’ve struggled too long with infertility to get cocky and write a simple, “I’m pregnant! Let the good times begin! Wah hoo!” entry.
One thing that's been on my mind lately is that I’ve always had a hard time when I found a blog that had an infertility title and/or description of someone struggling to conceive only to visit their site and see that they are now pregnant. I TRULY don’t mean that in a disrespectful way to any of my fellow fertility challenged blogger friends. I’m a firm believer that anyone who gets pregnant after struggling with infertility earned it and can write about it anyway they want. It was more about me and my feelings. I would go to their blog, see that they were pregnant and this would in turn remind me that I wasn’t. Feelings of sadness and the strong need for sushi and alcohol would soon set it.
I know many people have discovered this blog because they were in their two week waits. Now that I’m pregnant, I feel a little like my site has become a bait and switch. “Oh look… she’s trying to conceive too! Wait a minute, the bitch is pregnant! What the fuck???”
This was my point with the “Level Two” entry. I’m at the very beginning of this pregnancy, there’s still so many hurdles to jump (not that I’m jumping much these days) and although I’m thrilled, I’m in no way feeling a hundred percent secure. Hence, the mountains of home pregnancy sticks scattered about my home.
What’s ironic to me is technically, I’m sort of back in a two-week wait right now. My first beta was last Friday and it was 90. I had my second beta this past Monday and it was 225. My next is tomorrow and then the week after that is my first ultrasound. So, in between this past Monday’s beta and next Friday’s ultrasound is… drum roll please… two weeks! Ta da!
For now, I’m going to keep writing until I figure out what the best thing to do is. I’ve been debating starting a separate blog called, “The 9 Month Wait” (already got a blog address for it) so that way, this space here will be solely dedicated to trying to conceive/infertility and the new space would be solely dedicated to being pregnant. More than anything, I desperately want to be respectful of those who are still trying to conceive. If you have any thoughts or suggestions on the matter, I'd love to hear it.
And for obvious reasons, the piece I wrote back in October 2010 has very much been on my mind lately. It was called, When Your Infertile Friends Leave the Nest: http://the2weekwait.blogspot.com/2010/10/when-your-infertile-friends-leave-nest.html
Meanwhile, I told my husband I would chill out on the home pregnancy tests. In reality though, I’ve just gotten better at hiding my dirty habit. Perhaps I should give them out as party favors the next time I have a get together. Better yet, I could use them to decorate this year’s Christmas tree as one online friend suggested. “Jay? Why does the tree smell like urine???”