PLEASE NOTE: If you are struggling with infertility or are currently trying to conceive and you DON'T want to read about my pregnancy (which I totally understand), I recommend starting at the beginning of the blog (March 2010) and reading from there. I find out I'm pregnant in June 2011 so there is a lot of trying to conceive posts in between that you might find funny, helpful or relatable. Wishing you all the luck in the world!

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Crazy Little Thing Called Love

My husband and I were laying in bed the other night when he said to me, “Listen. I love you and I’m not trying to be difficult but I really don’t think I can “handle” diapers. I’m sorry, I’m just being honest.

In response, I said, “That fine… as long as we’re clear that I don’t think I can “handle” performing oral sex until you’re able to “handle” diapers.” We’ll see what happens…

This past Friday, we heard the heart beat of the baby (now allegedly the size of a raspberry). It was 175 beats per minute and it sounded like the fetus was a pro-boxer hitting a punching bag. My Reproductive Endocrinologist also remarked that the baby had grown quite a good amount since our last ultrasound. I can only assume that the baby has inherited my curvy genes.

I told my RE that I had made an appointment with an OB/Gyn in two weeks. I added, “Not that I’m breaking up with you yet though…

She smiled and said, “Well, that’s ok, because I’m breaking up with you. It’s an amicable break-up.

When I asked her what she meant, she said, “This baby is officially too big to be here.

Now, I’m not an overly emotional person but for some reason, that made me cry. It was a happy cry but one where I couldn’t even talk or collect myself. It’s safe to say that I think I threw everyone in the room for a loop. I was just so overwhelmed that I was finally graduating from a fertility clinic… and that for now; the baby was strong and healthy. I had to check my driver’s license to make sure this was actually happening to me.

So, for the next two weeks (again, another two week wait), I’m in between doctors. I’ve been relying on friends, the internet and books for advice while I notice new symptoms and cravings. For example, I’ve noticed I’ve been listening to more Queen music. Does this mean I’m having a boy, girl or an English flamboyantly gay rock star?

I’ve also been getting more and more morning sickness (although in my case, it’s pretty much all day). I have a friend who, whenever she was pregnant, would do a running commentary on Twitter of how many times she threw up in a day. She'd even go into horrific detail including what meal preceeded the event. Even before I had fertility issues and became a super snarky sourpuss times ten, this used to annoy the sh*t out of me. Who wants to read about any activity involving you, a toilet and any kind of bodily function? I don’t care if it’s only 140 characters. It's disgusting!

So obviously, I could never sit here and whine about throwing up. Aside from the fact that it’s for a good reason, one that I’ve wanted my whole life, I can never forget that I paid $15,000 for this. I’ve spent good money and I want all the bells and whistles!

However, I do feel the need to say a few things on this subject. Hopefully I can do so without being too graphic and without making any of you want to hurl:
  1. I am now living off of toast, bagels, crackers and ginger ale. Picasso had his blue period. I’m currently having my beige period.
  2. I have mastered the art of cleaning my toilet while using it. Martha Stewart would be so proud.
  3. My respect for bulimics has grown exponentially.
  4. Yesterday, I dry heaved so hard that I peed at the same time. This, my friends, was not my sexiest moment.
I’ve tried saltine crackers, ginger ale, smaller meals, Tums, ginger candy and preggie pops. Many have suggested I try medication but my doctor “doesn’t believe” in giving anti-nausea medication in the first trimester. I can respect that and in reality, this should only be going on for a few more weeks. As long as I can avoid having to wear Depends and as long as I don’t throw up on anyone at my job who decides my bonus, I should be able to get through it.

As I wrap up today’s blog, I received an email from the Baby Center. The subject line was, “Baby poop guide: What you need to know!” Wow. They are sending this early! Perhaps I should forward this to my husband to give him time to prepare… and to decide which it’s going to be.

40 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi! You don't know me but I've been stalking your blog for awhile :) Anyway, I have an 11 month old and the only way I got through the first 5 months of pregnancy was with sea-bands. They are the motion sickness bracelets that have a plastic bump inside that pushes on a pressure point in your wrist. They saved my life, or atleast my sanity :) Try them! :)

Serendipitie said...

Men are silly. He'll figure it out. In the meantime, I am in awe of your toilet using/cleaning skills. Last, breaking up with your RE means things are going well - xoxo and let us know how you like your OB!

Natalie said...

I'm so glad that everything is still going well! I remember it was such an amazing feeling to "graduate" from my RE. To have a real pregnancy at a "normal" OB! Good luck in the next two weeks waiting for your appointment. And I think you should complain as much as you want about the morning sickness. I always thought it was unfair that we had to work so much harder than other people to get pregnant and then becuase of that we weren't allowed to complain about any of the difficult parts of pregnancy. I say that we earned it more than the other fertiles out there!

Browniris said...

Congratulations on graduating to the regular OB!

kkasun said...

I hope that your sickness ends after the first trimester!!!
I liked the saltine goldfish, they helped me.
And if it makes you feel any better, I have peed myself many times while throwing up. It made me feel even more pathetic. It did make me feel that the baby was still doing good in there though, so that reasssuance was nice!

Dana said...

I'm so glad that things are going so well and I'm a little jealous that your baby is the size of a rasberry. Mine is the size of an orange seed and I haven't had an ultrasound yet so I am nervous about that.

In my first pregnancy, I was sick all day long for about 6 weeks. The only time I felt good was when I got up to pee and have some crackers at 3am. I have missed those days and I'm looking forward to them again! Although it is much nicer when you don't feel sick and have a nice belly to rub.

I hope you like your OB.

Oh, and I'm impressed with your toilet cleaning skills. My husband would be so happy if I started cleaning the toilets! I also love what you said in reply to your husband's dirty diaper comments. I think I may have to use it sometime.

clewis said...

Funny blog. Like the part about you dry reaching and weeing not being your sexiest moment. I have had many very non sexy moments lately too! how many weeks are you now?

JM said...

Really? Can't deal w a diaper? Mmmmm hmmmm. Good comeback.

Sorry you've been so ill, that can't be fun, even if it is the goal (kindof).

Natalie said...

Yay for your vomitting, I guess? It is a great sign though and it will be over soon....although it never feels soon enough. I never found anything that really worked either. I tried grapefruit juice as soon as I got up, which helped for about an hour....so that lead to me eating 5 - 5lb boxes of clemetines. Serious, I ate so many of those little guys. I even stole the ones my sister-in-law got in her christmas stocking....okay but in my defense she wasn't going to eat them anyway.

Carli said...

I love your sense of humor!

I know it is hard not to complain about the morning sickness when you asked, scratch that, PAID for this. But it does, indeed, suck. Hope it passes quickly and that the rest of the first trimester goes sailing on by. You are ALMOST there. Although it may seem like it will never actually get here. And then the rest of the pregnancy will fly by. You just wait!

And by the way, I bet he caves on those diapers PRETTY quickly. :o)

waitingforthenugget said...

So many hysterical moments in this blog entry! Good luck with the new doctor and I hope the nausea passes soon!!!

Amy said...

my best friend had the same kind of diet you are working on. Her savior was ramen.

Andrea said...

I'm laughing with you, not at you! Great post and here's to hoping the nausea passes soon. Too many more dates with the porcelain goddess and your hubby won't have a decision to make ;)

Feel better soon!

EBC said...

you might try "preggie pop drops" (what a horribly, sickly sweet, stupid name, but i digress). they are a naturally flavored sour candy that can at least take the edge off the nausea if you going sans-zo.fran/drugs. you can get them/order them from babies.r.u.s. they taste good and you can't od on them.

CS said...

I am STILL laughing about #4! You poor girl! Ha! And your DH - seriously? No way!

zygotta said...

quite a response to your hubby :)
let's hope he'll grow up by the time the baby's born!

I also "graduated' from the fertility clinic today...

IVFJess said...

Congrats on your graduation day! I'm so glad you've decided to keep sharing your pregnancy journey here too. Infertiles sometimes get pregnant too (thankfully!) and I think it's important to keep it real since our perspective on pregnancy, morning sickness and maybe even dippers is different after going through all this.

Good luck with the hubby. Good motivation and plan on your part!

Damita said...

Aww yay they moved you, ha ha naughty husband

peleb said...

Always enjoy your blogs! The nausea is always the pits and so unpredictable too! I have many friends who found the "sea bands" worked pretty well and can be bought at most pharmacy's. It is a good choice over meds and simple enough too. Also, acupuncture can be very helpful as well. I hope you feel better soon.
Have you any baby names yet? I am looking forward to hearing your process on that, you always make me laugh! Thanks Jay and here's hoping things improve every day!

ceecee867 said...

You bitch about the "pukes" all you want to !! You've earned that right :) Wondering how long it will be before the "Hubs" decides he might want to try diapering after all??? :))

Brittani said...

My husband said the same thing about diapers...I had an similar response yours. He is currently changing a diaper as I type this. Yours will make the right choice too!

Alex said...

Oh this is all so funny - great post! I love your response to the hubby, I may have to use it. Mine keeps telling me that diapers are women's work... I THINK he's joking...

I peed while vomiting in the 1st trimester too - good times. The other day I sneezed, farted and peed all at the same time! Then I couldn't stop laughing as my husband looked at me in horror and told me how sexy I am...

Tara dS said...

I say complain about morning sickness and go into graphic detail around all your fertile friends who (unknowingly) tortured you over the last few years. Like the people who made you plan the office baby shower. That was you, right? Or was it one of my other infertile blog "friends"?

Sam said...

morning sickness is not fun. Hopefully yours only lasts the first tri- mine is now back in the 3rd trimester! It's a good sign, so I wasn't so upset.

But this reminded me of a few months back in the first trimester, I ran to the bathroom in the morning puking and dry heaving, trying to hold it back like a baby and then crying like a baby- and my husband looked at me confused- "But I thought you WANTED to have morning sickness???" LOL

Feel better soon!

fertilityfreak said...

this blog is brilliant and inspiring.
i have added a link to The 2 Week Wait on my own page ;)
thank you for your story and humor.

M.G.

Kristen said...

Congrats on graduating to an OB...that's such a great feeling. Sorry for all the nausea...hopefully just a few more weeks like you say...

Anonymous said...

Yay for you. Congratulations on graduating! I was actually kind of nervous for you, but glad to hear it's going well (except the puking).

Brooke said...

Glad to hear you graduated from the RE. Did you ever find a reasonably effective non-aluminum deodorant? I'm on a search myself, but no luck yet.

Jane Grover said...

I've been reading for a while, first time commenting.

Congrats on graduating from the RE and hearing baby's heartbeat. Hope the morning sickness lets up soon.

Dead Cow Girl said...

Woohoo! You are well on your way. To what you ask? To momgina and accidentally peeing your pants more often then you ever imagined possible.

Congratulations!

Elana said...

Here from ICLW.

Congrats on the new little bean!! So exciting! I think your hubby will come around when the baby arrives and will start changing diapers. Or just leave the baby wet until he gets peed on and then he'll get the point. :-)

Nikki said...

Have you tried lemon flavored candy? Lemon-heads, lemon jollyranchers, etc.

Those helped me a lot (I think I read about it online, but I can't remember where) - and it's a nice change of pace from all the dry stuff and ginger stuff.

Congrats!

slowmamma said...

Congratulations!!! Here from ICLW and very excited for you. I went through horrific morning sickness with my pregnancies and so I truly sympathize.
Best wishes for a wonderful pregnancy.

Oh and lots of men seem to think that diapers are somehow the most difficult part of taking care of newborns. I think your dh will quickly see that they are nearly insignificant compared to the rest of it.

Missy said...

I loved your response about the diapers. I may try that if my husband says the same thing.

Crunchy Babe said...

Awe, congratulations from graduating from your RE's office! I can't wait to watch your baby and belly grow.

As far as morning sickness goes, oh I had it horribly with my last two and motion sickness tagged along. 1/2 a 25mg Phenergan was my best friend when I couldn't function because of it. Sea Bands also really help and this time around I found Morning Wellness Tea made by Earth Mama Angel Baby. Unisom (I took 1/2 in the evenings with our youngest daughter and it usually lasted me into the next day) and B6 may help you also. GOOD LUCK!

Maria said...

Happy ICLW to you! This post friggin' cracked me up! Peed at the same time???? LMAO! Hoping that the nausea lifts soon, but you DID may fantastic money for it, so you may wanna hold onto a bit longer. ;-)

Lins said...

Okay, all I have to say is, that is the best come back ever I wish I had come up with that when my hubby tried to pull that card. LOL. Happy ICLW!! Congratulations on the little one. Hope you feel better soon and that the nausea passes. Hard candy like jolly ranchers worked for my nausea part of the time. Just having something to suck on.

ICLW#114

ifserenitynow.com said...

I told my RE that I hoped I never saw him again, nothing personal though :-). I hope you like your new OB. Switching can be difficult but gets better over time.

Oh and my co-worker is also pregnant and divulges each throw up to me in detail. It makes me sick, literally. I don't care the best meal to eat before puke time. Honestly, I don't. I hope your nausea lets up soon. Mine was a 24 hour event as well, no fun.

Anonymous said...

don't forget the first poo is thick tar like and really gross!! My husband and I made a pack that I would take the firstfew weeks of poo and when the baby becomes a toddler and takes his diaper off and "Finger paints:)" that is all on hubby to clean up :) Good Luck!

Anonymous said...

How do you clean your toilet while using it? I thought I was talented because I killed a fungus gnat in the toilet boil, while puking on it but how to clean it?

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