PLEASE NOTE: If you are struggling with infertility or are currently trying to conceive and you DON'T want to read about my pregnancy (which I totally understand), I recommend starting at the beginning of the blog (March 2010) and reading from there. I find out I'm pregnant in June 2011 so there is a lot of trying to conceive posts in between that you might find funny, helpful or relatable. Wishing you all the luck in the world!

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Boy, Oh Boy!

First, the big news is that I found out I’m having a boy. That’s right – a little, tiny penis is growing inside me. I can’t even believe it. Before I got married, I was single for so long and spent so many years trying to understand men. Now, here I am about to have a little man. I hope and pray I can understand him!

Apparently, the baby can start to hear around twenty weeks so starting week twenty, I’m going to say these two statements to him over and over again:

1. No one will ever love you more than your mother.

2. If you say you're going to call a woman, you’d better f*cking call her.

The woman doing the sonogram asked my husband and me if we wanted to know the sex of the baby and we both said yes. She said that if she was able to see anything, she’d let us know. Five minutes later, she went, “WHOA! You still want to know the sex???” We knew immediately that it had to be a boy with that reaction. I mean really? Who says “Whoa!” to a vagina other than perhaps Joey Lawrence? Man, what a crappy catch phrase that was, huh? Damn you writers from BLOSSOM. Damn you straight to hell.

Right after the appointment, my husband made a list of all the things he can't wait to do with his son: Go to a baseball game, play catch, show him STAR WARS, etc. He also turned to me and very seriously said, "And think! You'll probably catch him masterbating when he's thirteen!" Uhhh, thanks? Frankly, I'd rather go to a baseball game. Yikes.

I’m also happy (and relieved) to report that the family member I spoke about in my last post (see here) did eventually email back. She thanked me for acknowledging her recent loss, she shared how she’s been dealing with it and she was generous enough to wish me only the best.

One thing she shared with me that I feel I MUST share with you was that when she returned to work after her loss, almost all of her co-workers avoided her and in some cases, wouldn’t even look at her. This absolutely breaks my heart as you know it wasn’t because she did anything wrong as much as it was that they didn’t know what to say. In my last post, where I debated whether or not you should acknowledge when someone loses a baby, I still think it’s a case by case basis, however, to totally avoid the person is unconscionable. Seriously – on what planet do people honestly believe that’s the best response? “Oh look… there’s that person who recently had a heartbreak. Quick! Let me run in the other direction!” Nice.

And I did end up getting an amniocentesis. I know so many of you were against that and it amazed me how many Tweets, emails, comments and even advice I got from people I work with about not doing it. To be extra clear – I was just as concerned and hesitant as many of you. I had three lengthy conversations with my doctor, I went to a genetics counselor and asked a million questions, I spoke to my husband and therapists about my feelings on it, and I went online and did as much research as possible before agreeing to do it. So, trust me when I say a lot of thought and energy was put into deciding to have it done.

A few things I learned on the subject was that when the "powers that be" initially said there was a 1 in 400 risk of complications from amnio, that was when they were doing these tests WITHOUT use of a sonogram. This absolutely blows my mind. Basically what they did was stick a needle in blindly and take a sample. If that’s the case, I’m surprised the statistics weren’t worse! Nowadays, it’s more like 1 in a 600 risk and the chance of miscarriage was a 0.5%.

Also, when they put a needle in the amniotic sac, it is not like a balloon that pops. I'm sure you all knew that but in my head, that's what I imagined. It turns out that it’s more like sticking a very small needle in your skin that starts healing as soon as the needle is removed. It's not as fun as a vacation in Bermuda but most of forty-five minutes for the amnio is taken up by doing a sonogram, sterilizing and prepping. The needle is usually in for no more than 60 seconds. For some, it doesn't hurt. For me, it pinched a little and I had a slight back pain afterwards but that was the worst of it. They have you on bed rest afterwards to help the healing process along… and in my case, to help me catch up on some serious crap television.

The main reason I decided to do the amnio wasn’t that I thought I would ever terminate the pregnancy, but it was more that if something was wrong, I would much rather be prepared and have the time to research Down Syndrome and find the very best way to raise the child.

Let me be EXTRA clear here though, I am in no way saying that what I did is the “right” or “best” choice. It was the choice my husband and I felt the most comfortable with. I don’t want anyone to ever think that I’m telling them what to do because whether to get an amnio and what you would do with the results are nobody’s business but your own.

That’s what kind of stunned me about the whole experience. On Twitter, I had asked people what their experiences were with amnio but I never asked, “Do you think I should get one or not?” However, I received tons of responses urging me not to get one. I don’t take offense to that at all since really, if anything, I think they cared enough to give me their opinion. Again though, I think it’s close to impossible to tell someone what to do in those circumstances. You have to do what's right for you.

As I mentioned earlier, even people at work, when I told them I would need to work from home because I was getting an amnio, openly shared their opinions. I had three different people say, “Oh don’t do that!” and I had four people tell me they had it done and it was no big deal. Again, who can say what’s right or wrong? Different things work for different people.

Any which way, we did the amnio this past Thursday and I got the results on Friday saying that everything was ok and that the baby was healthy. They also confirmed that the baby is a boy which I appreciated. A friend of mine was told she was having a boy and then the week after, she found out that she was actually having a girl. Apparently the person who did the first sonogram mistook the umbilical chord as a penis. Whoa indeed. That would be one hell of a big penis!!!

All in all, things are good. I now have to learn about all things boys. I haven’t had a lot of experience in the boy genre so I’ve got to bone up on sports, trucks and army toys. I would describe myself as a girly girl and if I were having a daughter, I had anticipated make-up lessons and pink fairy dresses. Unless this baby is a drag queen, I’m pretty sure those things are out now. Dresses or trucks, I’m just so grateful that our baby is healthy.

35 comments:

Jes G said...

congrats jay!!! so happy for you and your growing healthy family....
xoxo

~Rae~ said...

When he's 3 and comes to you and says with such a joyfulness in his voice that you can't help but be excited as to what he's about to say and then you get this: "LOOK MAMA! It's taw-wer!" and he's triple excited that it's triple the size....oh, yeah and then he shows it to you--O..M..G..!! There are many, many things that he will do with that thing that you will just shake your head and say "Really" or like me-call my mom who did raise a boy and say "Is this normal?" OMG. Too many penis stories and he's not even 5 yet......!! Yeah, little boys are simply the best. They really, really are!!! I love mine more than I can even fathom-even in the embarrassing moments (for me, not him--don't kid yourself, he's very proud of his member!lol)

Kate said...

Yay for a healthy baby boy! I skipped the first test but was considering the less invasive genetics one that they do later in pregnancy when my doctor of the day asked me a question that no one else had made me think about. First he asked what I would do with the results, to which my husband and I replied that we would just be more prepared. Then he asked if knowing there was a genetic abnormality or downs syndrome would ruin my pregnancy for me. The only honest answer to this for me was yes. Yes, I would be able to prepare with a lot of research, but yes I would also be devastated and depressed, and maybe pregnancy isn't the best time to be in that frame of mind. I so appreciated that point of view and glad that I chose what works best for us. Sometimes the hardest thing is tuning everyone else out and just listening to what you know about yourself. As for unsolicited advice, prepare yourself for many years of the stuff!

Natalie said...

My first thought after find out that it was a boy was 'OMG it is really weird to have a penis inside me that isn't my husbands...technically it is 50% my penis because I am growing it'. In fact pretty sure I wrote a post about how strange the idea is. I think no matter what you do relating to pregnancy/childbirth/parenting people have lots of opinions. I am glad you guys made the decision that was right for you.

sienna said...

Very glad that you got the amnio behind you and that all is going well. Hahaha, I'm sure it'll be a lovely right of passage of all boy moms to find their sons masturbating or stains on their sheets. You are at the halfway point, hope baby boy is treating you well and that the nausea is gone. Xoxo.

Lulu said...

Thanks for sharing your experience with the amnio.

Heather said...

Yay! I'm so excited for you. Boys really do rock--not that I'm biased or anything. ;-) and I used to joke that if we were having a boy (we didn't know until he was born), that I'd have had a penis inside me for 9 months. LOL! Yeah, we have *that* kind of sense of humor.

Hotpotatokate said...

Yay for your healthy boy! I'm very grateful to you for sharing your amnio experience too- it's not something I need to think about this time round, but it may well be one day and it's good to have a careful discussion of it.

R*R said...

CONGRATS!!! I initially didn't want to find out the gender of ours, but Hubbs and everyone else did so in a few weeks, guess we're headed to an ultrasound! I'm so happy to hear the amnio went well! You just have to do what's best for YOUR family in YOUR situation, and I think you did. :) We're safely into 2nd trimester now, thank goodness! It still feels weird to be pregnant after so many years of infertility. I love that you're just a few weeks ahead of me, your blog always gives me a little glimpse of what's coming up next. ;) Sending much love and good thoughts your way!!! -Rachel (previously posted as Freedomshocked. :) )

Alex said...

Oh how exciting that you're having a boy! I always imagined raising a boy would be easier than a girl. But who knows - we'll have to compare notes later!

And that's great that you got the results of the amnio and found that nothing's wrong! Woohoo!!! All kinds of celebration going your way...

TurtleMama said...

Glad to hear that your amnio went well and you have a healthy baby boy in there! Good to have peace of mind.

S said...

Congratulations on your healthy boy! :-)

Meg Coldwells said...

Loved this post and so happy for you that everything went well, and all 3 of you are fine.

I loved the stories people have shared about their boys, and I am here to tell you little boys love their MAMA more than anything! Mine is now 6 and started first grade. I picked him up from school yesterday and on the ride home I asked him to tell me 3 things he did today at school. His answer, "I missed you, I loved you and I love you even more now" OMG this kid is a charmer! And he is a bit of an Eddie Haskell as well. I cherish every moment I have had with him and look forward to every second in front of us. *However...for the record, he too is very proud of his 'unit'...the first time I saw him fondle it he was 3 months old in the bathtub. I knew then I was in big trouble. Now when he is laying on the couch, watching cartoons with a blanket over himself and breathing hard and I ask him what he is doing he says, 'nothing Mom, just "tickling"...HE IS SIX! LOL My non-chalant response is always, 'that's fine honey, but you should do that in private...like in your room..." Boys are THE BEST! xoxoxo

Tara dS said...

Hmmm... I think when you said "I’m terrified and lost on what’s the best thing to do," that could have easily been interpreted as a request for advice, or at least reassurance. Anyway, sounds like you put a lot of thought into it and you were comfortable with your decision and it all worked out great.

Glad your family member was not upset by your e-mail. It is hard to know what to do in those situations.

Congrats on baby boy! Have fun shopping for baby stuff!

Kate said...

Congrats and hugs to you!

Be sure to get lots and lots of legos too. I don't know what it is about boys and legos but they are powerless to it. It'll keep your husband busy too especially on those days when you just need some girl time.

Damita said...

Congrats on a boy! Wooohooo

Laura said...

When we found out we were having a boy, I cried in the toy aisle of Targ.et because they didn't have cute boy toys, I didn't want to play with action figures and build crap, I wanted to put a frilly dress on Barbie and play dress up. But once I met my little boy in the delivery room that all changed!

Semi Infertile Naomi said...

Little boys are the sweetest. I know that my fertility doctor seemed to make mine extra cute (I slipped her a $20.00). Congrats!

Brittany said...

First off, just wanted to say CONGRATS on a boy!

Secondly, I read your other post and I just wanted to say that your concern for your family member is genuinely sincere and sweet. As a miscarriage survivor, it was so disheartening when friends, family and co-workers chose not to acknowledge it. The support I did receive came from people I never expected, but it was the ones I expected it from (and didn't receive) that hurt the most. It was frustrating, but I will never forget the friends who did reach out.

Lastly, dopplers are awesome. We received one from a friend who had just had a baby, and didn't need it anymore. I'm 16 weeks pregnant via IUI and HAVING had a miscarriage, it is the most reassuring thing in the world. Not to mention knowing what so many people in the infertility community have gone through.

Nikki said...

So happy for you and your little man! Also, I'm really glad to hear that you had good results after your test (isn't it amazing how much unsolicited advice you get - it becomes even more unsolicited after the baby is born :)

nurslouisa said...

Boys are wonderful and you'll save money on clothes (seriously!). As for the amino sorry you felt like you had to defend your choice to get one. That's weird! Glad you have a healthy baby in there and hope the nausea and vomiting have gone away. Love the 2 phrases so true.

zygotta said...

congrats on the successful tests and on having a boy!
I also just found out we're having a boy, and I am just as puzzled as to what it actually means. No pink dresses, no pigtails... What, then?... :)))

Mrs XXY said...

Congratulations. Boys are loads of fun...just watch out for butt change time! They tend to spray like a hose thats turned on too hard!

Sybil said...

Congrats on having a boy!

Happy ICLW week!

Kelly said...

Yay for a healthy baby boy! Congrats!!!!!

ICLW #15

Sarah said...

WOO HOO!!! Now for the next few months you can say you have a penis inside of you all the time!!!

Boys are great!!! DH taking our son to Bass Pro and showing him all the fishing gear (our Little one is 9 weeks old) they watch Star Wars together once a week

Congrats!!

Happy ICLW
#27

Deborah said...

Here from ICLW - having a son has taught me a lot about men. This morning, mine was playing with a toy where you have to fit the piece into the hole, putting his penis into the hole instead. :) And every day, it seems, we have to run through all the people we know: does Grandpa have a penis? Does Daddy? etc etc

Michelle said...

YAY! Congrats!!!

St Elsewhere said...

LOL this has to be some boy season sweeping the blogosphere! Many congratulations to you and hubby! And lady, you do have very sound advice for the kid.

I am also glad that the amnio's outcome was that everything is well. It really was your and hubby's decision to make.

I appreciate the fact that you wrote to this lady and acknowledged her loss. Words won't take away the pain, but atleast she won't feel ignored and horribly alienated with all that heartache.

xoxo


iclw #39

Frankie said...

Hello from my first ICLW! Congratulations on your little one and the great results from your amnio. The unsolicited opinions are truly maddening sometimes, it sounds like you were well educated about the risks and benefits, and did what was best for you.

Good luck and feel good!

eggsinarow said...

Hi from ICLW. I am so excited for you! From what I've heard, this is just the beginning of unsolicited advice re: raising your child. So that's fun. ;)

Good luck and congrats!

Amy said...

Congratulations on your baby boy!! Boys rock. They are bundles of energy and will run you ragged, but are pure joy.

Good for you for getting the amnio and I am glad for your good results. Anything you can do to get peace of mind during pregnancy is great. I am so happy for you and all of your good news.

lesterresfertiles said...

Stopping by for ICLW. I've been loving following your pregnancy...so happy for you. Congrats on a boy!!! Fantastic news :)

barrenlazza said...

Congratulations! It's so exciting to hear you now know what you're having. My sister is three weeks ahead of me (and you) and said she is so glad she found out the sex of her baby as she now feels like she's bonding with it already.

We've decided not to find out what we're having but I can see what the pros of finding out would be.

Best of luck on the countdown from 20 weeks...

donordiva.com said...

YEAH BOY!! When we first started TTC I was hoping for a girl but I am so glad I ended up with my son. Little boys are the best!

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