PLEASE NOTE: If you are struggling with infertility or are currently trying to conceive and you DON'T want to read about my pregnancy (which I totally understand), I recommend starting at the beginning of the blog (March 2010) and reading from there. I find out I'm pregnant in June 2011 so there is a lot of trying to conceive posts in between that you might find funny, helpful or relatable. Wishing you all the luck in the world!

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Pregnant and Hated?

Since I’ve been pregnant, I’ve noticed a very slight increase in angry comments and pissed off emails and an even slighter decrease in blog followers.

Losing followers is one thing. It’s to be expected and frankly, I completely understand it. When I was in the thick of trying to get pregnant, reading blogs about others who were pregnant, even if they struggled, were not always my cup of tea. It really depended on where I was at emotionally and where I was at in my journey. If I was gearing up for an IVF, I found these blogs inspirational. If I had just received word of a negative beta and saw my savings account was down by a couple of thousand on a “wasted” cycle, my joy for others was not as enthusiastic and genuine as it could be.

Let me just say that if reading my blog upsets you, annoys you or doesn’t help you while you deal with infertility, then dear god – please feel free to stop reading. I will miss you terribly and I’d certainly hope you’d consider coming back at some point to say hello but I would never want to make anyone unhappy. Infertility is f*cking hard and if reading what’s going on with me doesn’t help, then I’d hope you’d do what you need to do to feel better. Any which way, with all my heart and soul, I wish anyone and everyone who reads my blog to have their happy ending… whatever and however they can get it.

Now, as for the angry comments and pissed off emails, getting those have not been what I would describe as a good feeling. It’s one thing to choose not to read the blog. It’s entirely another to go out of your way and actively express your hatred for me or for something I’ve said. (Example: Please see here)

I do try to remember that it’s not personal. Mind you - I don’t mean to diminish the fact that I’ve clearly said things on my blog that have upset people or perhaps have even gotten them to hate me on some level but at the end of the day, they don’t really know me. They wouldn’t even recognize me if they saw me on the street. I almost want to say to these people, “Hang out with me. Let’s have a drink! THEN, you can hate me if you want!” Truly - if you meet me and think, “I just don't like Jay. And can you believe what she said about Jennifer Lopez’s kids being ugly? How rude!” I just don’t understand why someone would go out of their way to tell someone they don’t even know, that they haven’t even met that I’m a bitch who deserves to die a miserable death soley because I mentioned that having morning sickness isn’t a sexy feeling.

(And a quick side note – I don’t blame Jennifer Lopez for her kids being… well… not the most attractive. I don’t want to name names but let’s just say that I think its someone who's name rhymes with Shmark Shmanthony’s fault.)

Anyway, I could be wrong here but I never got such emails or comments when I wasn’t pregnant. It’s since I’ve been pregnant that I seem to so easily tick off people. One thing that seems to irritate people the most is when I have the audacity to say anything negative about being pregnant... and at the risk of pissing off more people, I’d like to quickly address that:

A) Being pregnant doesn’t mean that they automatically revoke your “Sometimes I Need to Vent Card”. Of course, if all my blog posts were about how much pregnancy sucks, that I hated every minute of it, that I was disappointed in whatever the sex of my baby is (so you know, I would have been thrilled even if the baby were a hermaphrodite by the time I did my third IVF) or if I was endlessly bitching and moaning, I’d more than agree with people being for annoyed with me.

However, if I occasionally complain about being embarrassed about throwing up on a street corner in front of strangers, after almost three years of trying to get pregnant, I believe I've earned that right. Hell, if anything, I paid thousands of dollars to express the rare complaint if I want to!

Also, on the flip side, if I did nothing but marvel at how wonderful it is to have hemorrhoids, how getting an amnio was more fun than a trip to the Bahamas, told you how much I enjoyed my nipples changing colors so often that they were like mood rings and wrote non-stop about how pregnancy was an orgasmic cake walk of happiness, sunshine and lollipops, not only would you seek to have me committed, I’m pretty sure I’d get even MORE hate mail than I’m already getting now.

B) If and when I do occasionally have a complaint about being pregnant, that doesn’t mean I’m not grateful. That is one I’ve heard a lot. The fact that I’ve pointed out a few difficulties I’ve had while being pregnant doesn’t mean that I’m any less grateful. It’s like anyone who complains about their husband when they are happily married. You love him (hopefully) and you can’t imagine a life without him but when he uses all the toilet paper and doesn’t replace it, like it or not, it’s annoying.

I’ve worked very hard for this pregnancy. I’ve dreamed of being pregnant for as long as I can remember and to finally be here after going through so much and after beginning to think it was damn near impossible – trust me – I’m grateful. Actually, I’m more than grateful. I’m an emotion that hasn’t’ even been invented. I’m grateful, humbled, respectful, appreciative and thankful all rolled into one. I’m grahumresativeful.

Another thing that has bothered me the most as of late though was when I received an email from some anonymous person chastising me for daring to contact a relative of mine who recently lost her baby. Her issue was that I had no right to do so since I’m pregnant and having a pregnant person sending an email to someone who just lost their child is morally reprehensible.

On the surface, I understand the point and this person is more than entitled to their opinion. The problem is we’re talking about a woman who I’m related to. She just lost her baby and the fact that I’m pregnant doesn’t mean I don’t love her any less or that I don’t care. I can’t even imagine not acknowledging that she’s just experienced a heartbreaking loss and if the roles were reversed, I can't imagine a relative, pregnant or not, not reaching out to me. (This was discussed on the blog here and here).

The same goes for a few of my friends beyond the blogging/Twitter world that I know personally who are dealing with infertility. I love and cherish these people. To not send them an email or call them to say, “I want this for you”, “Are you ok?”, “Is there anything I can do?” or “I’m so sorry” to me is not only not being a good friend but it’s unforgivable. Seriously – If the fact that I’m now pregnant stops me from reaching out to people I care about when they are suffering, how big of an asshole would I be? I simply can't imagine doing that to anyone.

That being said, if they don’t want to talk to me or if they say, “Jay – I can’t deal with you now or your pregnancy”, I would completely respect that, abide by their wishes and do whatever they asked me to if it would help. That’s their right to take some space from me. But for me to automatically eliminate myself from their lives or their problems because I’m pregnant doesn’t feel right to me. Rest assured that I've expressed all of this to the friends I'm referring to, that they can tell me to F-off at any time and so far, none of them have.

That’s the other thing (and here’s another point that I’m sure will annoy someone): Now that I’m pregnant, it doesn’t mean that it automatically erases all the feelings I had over the last couple of years of struggling. I have no money in my savings account, I’ve attended baby showers and felt like a failure, I’ve done timed cycles with Clomid, I’ve done three inseminations, I did three in vitros and I’ve felt the pain of infertility as much as anyone else who has gone through it. I haven’t forgotten that. I have tremendous respect for anyone who goes through infertility and I would never intentionally want anyone to think anything to the contrary.

So, to sum up, I’m not saying you can’t agree with me and I also don't mean to give the impression that I'm whining that people don’t like me as much anymore. The only thing I’m trying to do with this blog entry is vent about the extra flogging I’ve been taking lately and to attempt to respond to some of the things that a few readers have brought up.

But putting all of that aside for a moment and to end on more of a happy note, the majority of people who read my blog have been nothing but gracious and supportive. For every poopy email I receive, I’ve gotten at least five lovely emails from people either fighting the good fight or who also have found themselves recently pregnant. For those people, I’m genuinely eternally grateful.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Pregnant or not, infertile or not, pain is pain. We need to help and support each other and if it’s a choice between being angry and hateful or understanding and kind, I’d choose the latter every single time.

In closing, to those of you who are about to write me a negative comment or critical email, you do what you have to do. This is my blog and I’m just trying to express where I’m at and how I’m feeling in the most respectful manner. If that offends you, I sincerely apologize as that’s never my goal. If you feel you can’t read my blog or if you have decided you don’t like me for whatever reason, please know that in return, I wish you nothing but the best. We can’t please all of the people all of the time.

And no matter what – I still think Jennifer Lopez’s kids are ugly.


Wonder Woman said...

aw man, the link didn't work. i wanted to see what these lame people were emailing you about. I have my suspicions about people who read public blogs and right nasty comments...for the most part...i tend to assume their lives suck. LOL

Jay said...

Wonder Woman - LOL! Thank you. And I checked the links and they seem to have worked for me. I'm sorry - I don't know why they were being difficult for you. Honestly though, if you scroll down and read some of my recent posts, you'll get the idea. :)

Kristin said...

I've gotten some similar backlash as well (I was/am a babyloss blogger, though, not an infertility blogger). It's hard but I try to remember that when people are in a really dark place, they tend to be more than a bit irrational (lord knows I've been there!). If someone is having a really shitty day and it helps them to take some of it out on me, I guess I can take it. That's sort of how I try to think about it, if that makes any sense! Congrats on the baby boy! I found out what I'm having on Friday and I couldn't be more excited! XO

Doogie said...

I will continue to be polite and respectful as long as you don't refer to your son as, "little man," for some reason that phrase makes me want to stab people.

And it's a sign of love that I can say that to you, because I've been holding it for so long trying not to stab people.

For some reason, "little lady," doesn't bother me as much. And no one ever refers to their daughter as, the "little woman," because that's just creepy and wrong (being slang for wife, as it is.) When I say "young gentleman" or "little gentleman" in my head, it doesn't engender stabby feelings, so it's really only that one phrase.

So, deal? I'll be polite and respectful and you avoid the phrase, "little man." Otherwise, all bets are off! I'm not sure I know how to use the word, "twat," correctly in a sentence, but you can rest assured, I'll figure it out!

Jay said...

Doogie - Deal! What's funny is "little man" always bothered me too. I think I find it patronizing somehow.

sassyNtubeless said...

I am so sorry people are saying negative things to you, its not right :( I love your blog it makes me laugh!! And if they can't deal w a lil humor or ranting here and there they can go... well to where the sun don't shine. I commend you on emailing ur fam member, i did the same! and you know what, they do appreciate it even if they are really drunk after u tell them. And you're allowed to vent here and there! its' your blog!!! somedays i feel like my shirt should read ive had an ectopic, lap surgery, essure surgery, and ivf to be pregnant stop hating!!!

Nikki said...

I completely understand what you are saying. There is a significant shift in opinion and in attitude when your blog becomes more of a pregnancy blog and less of a trying to conceive blog. It's almost as if people feel like you've done something on purpose to hurt them. I sort of understand that feeling because the emotions you go through while trying are so intense and unpredictable and it can be really distressing to see someone else announce their pregnancy - especially someone who was on "your" team.

It's a hard line to walk - you don't want to offend, but it is your blog and if you want to vent or complain at times, you should be able to (because pregnancy is not all roses and cake). I hope that your supportive and kind messages continue to outweigh the negative ones, and that those who send the negative messages find what they are looking for so they can feel better about themselves.

SLESE1014 said...

I too have found that being pregnant after IF has brought about some challenges. Luckily, I have a small enough following that I haven't received the yucky emails. I know there are people out there who couldn't handle my situation change. I respect that. I've been there. I wonder sometimes about those women who are so bitter from IF they can no longer see any joy in any success story. I pray for these women every day.

Thank you for putting it out there, everything I've felt over the past 7 months. You've really hit it once again!

wottadoll said...

The same thing happened to me. When I was taking meds and having failed cycles and a chemical pregnancy, everyone was with me on my blog every step of the way. Once I got pregnant and had HORRIBLE debilitating morning sickness for three months, and blogged about it, I lost followers, caught people making snippy remarks about me on their blogs, and had several people chastise me that how dare I complain and they would give anything to be in my place and I don't even appreciate my pregnancy, etc etc etc. I was completely flummoxed by this until I started reading other pregnant bloggers who'd had the same experience. And like you, I understand where these infertile women are coming from...but only to a point. Personally I think it shows remarkable cruelty and lack of insight to reprimand a person who is horribly ill or otherwise physically or mentally suffering even if they got something you desperately wanted. In the adult world, you suck up your jealousy, leave it to your private journal, put on a big shit eating grin and say "I'm so happy for you" as I've had to do eight million times every time another friend announces she's getting married or having a baby. Since my pregnancy my blog has become radio silent - no comments, no readers, nothing. I started a blog to find a caring community of women, and I feel like all I found was a nest of vipers - bitter, jealous, and maybe a little bit crazy. I've contemplated taking it down but it does seem to entertain my sister and a couple of friends so I leave it up. Anyway. Just wanted to say you're not alone in the "pregnant & hated" club. Hell, at least my friends are happy for me :-)

Joys Truly said...

This is your blog and you can say what you want no matter how you feel. Let's face it. The fertiles complain about pregnancy all the time. I am an IFer with a failed cycle under my belt and I like the fact that those who get pregnant can get to a place of having a normal pregnancy and everything that goes with it. And the anger people are having has nothing to do with you being pregnant, it's that they are not. Don't explain yourself to anyone. Just keep doing what your doing. :)

Brittany (Bohemian Transplant) said...

As I said on twitter, I agree with this sentiment 110%. I consider myself extremely lucky that it only took four cycles of infertility treatment before we got pregnant (One timed clomid, two timed femara, one successful IUI) when so many other women (yourself included) have gone through so much more. But the pain was always still there. We tried for three and a half years and had one miscarriage along the way. I saw countless friends get pregnant their first try. I avoided baby showers. I cried over stupid facebook announcements.

And yet I still feel guilty about complaining about how my pelvis feels like it's going to split in two from all the pressure and stretching, or how the naseau was so bad the first 12 weeks that I rather would have died. Because I don't want to offend anyone who is going through what we have gone through. I don't want to seem ungrateful for what we have, or that I have forgotten what it feels like to hear that somebody else is pregnant. It stings, and it still fucking sucks. I think it's a pain that never goes away.

But plain and simple, we still should have the right to complain just a little because you're right ... it's not all roses. I try to be careful about what I post to facebook & twitter, because I don't want to be insensitive and throw information in the face of others. But my blog is my personal space and others chose to come there. It's the one place where I can be completely honest about what I'm going through. And you most DEFINITELY should be able to do the same here.

Sorry for the long comment!

Jem said...

Why do women who have gotten pregnant after IF feel they have to apologize or explain themselves? I don't get it.

This is your blog, you should be able to post what you want.

S said...

I don't think that acknowledging what's hard about pregnancy--and let's face it, no matter how wanted your pregnancy, there's nothing fun about constant nausea or hemorrhoids--means you are ungrateful. FWIW, I think people's reactions are more of a reflection of where they are vs. what you've written.

I've found pregnancy to be much less enjoyable than I'd hoped so far (I'm 20 weeks with twin boys), to my (mild) disappointment. I try to keep my eyes on the prize, but this stuff is tough when you're living through it day by day.

Krystal said...

It's a shame people are rude to others about being pregnant. Being pregnant after infertility doesn't mean we won't complain about certain things that bother us, or mean we don't have a right to complain.

Not many people followed my blog, but I still decided I'd make another blog for "life after infertility", even though it never leaves us. I went from IF and getting at least a few comments on my blog to being pregnant and only one or two if I was lucky. It sucks, but I agree with a previous comment that it's more of where they are in life that reflects how they act.

Brooke said...

As someone who has suffered the loss of a nearly full-term baby and is currently trying to get pregnant, I feel compelled to weigh in here. People who are being hateful are just feeling hateful because of their own fears/anxieties. You do not deserve to be a target for that.

From what I've read from other IF bloggers, the sense of loss and trauma associated with IF doesn't go away with a pregnancy, even though it might seem to the outside world that you've been "cured" of your "problem." I think you have every right to acknowledge that pregnancy is sometimes uncomfortable and unpleasant--at the time it's a beautiful, special, magical thing that a lot of us really freaking want to happen. Anyone who thinks differently is asking you to lie about your experience, and why would we bother to read a blog that wasn't authentic?

As for contacting your family member who suffered a loss, I think it would have been much worse if you'd ignored it. If I'd been ignored by a pregnant friend or family member (even a somewhat distant one) at the time of my loss, I would have been angry and assumed that they were acting like my loss was contagious or something. Expressing compassion is never the wrong choice (although some of your readers may need to get that memo).

Lanie said...

Im an if'r that started following your blog after you were prego. Love it!

Anonymous said...

I understand this even though I never got pregnant..we adopted. I feel so 'left out & ignored' when I ask questions about my son or refer to him in any way on twitter or my blog. I KNOW the pain of IF. 21 years of it now. By God, I can talk about my son turning 5 and how sad & happy I am about that, or how he's in the phase of talking back & not listening to me and it's driving me crazy....Doesn't mean I don't love him with all my heart and's my life now. I will always be a little sad that I never got to know what it was like to be pregnant or see the + on a hpt. Still, I am happy for all of you who finally get your babies, no matter how it happened. IF robbed me of almost every feeling I've ever known. So on the other hand, I can understand as well when it hurts to read the blogs of IF'ers who are finally pregnant. I still get a little twinge of jealousy...I just try not to dwell on it anymore-especially since we are completely thru with ttc.
Rae- (for some unknown reason, blogspot won't let me post comments under my own ID)

Sarah said...

Thank you so much for this post. I never had the courage to blog my journey, and am rarely brave enough to comment. I am finding that there is very little support/understanding for pregnancy after IF (both IRL and online), so I am glad to have found your blog.

I had a terrible experience with a family member (also experiencing IF) from shortly before my second miscarriage still up today. I know that my 'success' hurt, and that I didn't always say and do the right thing, but some things happened that were NOT okay. I understand that they came from a place of grief and anger, but that doesn't make it okay to hurt someone else because you are hurting.

As a fellow IFer, I understand how much it effing sucks to be out there in the world, to have friends and family that don't get it, who say hurtful things, who pretend this isn't happening. And I know how much we really, really need understanding and support. So what you (and wottadoll upthread) have said is so important. What we require and demand of others on our journey (especially in the dark places), we must also be willing to give ourselves. It's true, sometimes we are in such a dark place with our IF that we cannot do this for others, and sometimes we lash out inappropriately. If others do/say things that are hurtful and insensitive to our struggle, then absolutely we must advocate for ourselves and hopefully educate them in the process. BUT, the opposite must also be true for the IFer. If you do something shitty in your grief, at some point you need to take responsibility for that an apologize, just as we expect 'fertiles' to do for us. It could be as little as biting someone's head off for a misguided (but probably well-intentioned) comment, or it could be ignoring your sister throughout her entire pregnancy. In our grief, we sometimes do things that are kind of shitty, even unacceptable. And just because people are understanding of our pain (if we are so lucky to have these people), it doesn't excuse some of our actions.

I whole-heartedly agree that compassion is always the answer; love is better than anger. And I applaud your ability to 'hug' those who have lashed out at you in their grief. I hope this post helps to heal, even a little.

lady pumpkin said...

You know what I'm going to say. Should I say it anyway? Okay, here it is: stop apologizing for doing and being you. Eff 'em. And grahumresativeful? Pure awesome. Love you.

Heather said...

Agreed about jlo's kids!

:::scratches head::: Huh about the negative comments. I don't get why someone who is obviously hurting would even read a pregnancy blog. I'll be the first to admit to unsubscribing to a pregnancy blog while in the thick of infertility, but I'd never dream of leaving a negative comment. Sorry you are having to deal with it.

It's YOUR blog. If you want to complain about morning sickness, hemorrhoids (they are coming, trust me) or that kicked-in-the-crotch feeling (also coming) you should! I'll still read it. ;-)

Sybil said...

I think it is horrible that people are leaving rude comments and sending you ugly emails. Someone obviously didn't teach them the saying "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all". It's been 3yrs, 6 clomid cycles, 5 IUI's and I am now in the 2WW of my 2nd IVF. It's hard....sometimes I just take a break from reading others' blogs. But it is just completely immature to leave ugly comments.

Mrs. Kent said...

"grahumresativeful" ha! That has to be the BEST made up word EVER! Please know that I am so happy for you that you have "crossed over." Your one lil embie turned shy boy fetus is an inspiration to many. Your words comfort and help bridge emotional gaps. Some people will be hurt no matter what you say, and that's okay. It doesn't detract from the good you've done. Laughter truly is the best medicine, so keep 'em coming! <3

Mrs. P said...

Reading your blog has the total opposite effect on me then it does your haters. It gives me hope. After a year plus of not getting knocked up and just starting this journey with fertility docs, i come here for hope. Its a reminder that it CAN happen. Keep on writing. I actually wish you would write more! I check often to read your words and i am truly so happy for you.

sienna said...

this is precisely the reason i deactivated the anonymous commenting option for my blog. i think i'd be soo pissed if someone said something mean, that i would hire someone to track them down and then show up at their front door to throw shit in their face. but i'm mature like that and you're clearly not :o) stop apologizing please! you are not complaining at all. you are just giving facts. haters, especially of the anonymous variety, obviously have very sad lives and are so unhappy that they have to shit on others who are happy. boohoo on them.

Anonymous said...

I think it sucks that you're getting hate mail. I stop following some pregnant bloggers sometimes, but not because they're knocked up, but because the moment they got pregnant they ceased to be interesting and started comparing their babies to fruit. Which is just plain annoying.
You on the other hand have been nothing but honest, funny, and eloquent. And apart from all that, your story should give hope to anyone in the thick of it. Anyone who says otherwise: good riddance.

B. Wilson said...

I'm like Kristin and Brooke and I'm the full-term loss situation, blighted ovum, not IF, and pregnant again after being shit on by the universe and holding my dead baby.

We have totally different stories, but I have to say that it makes no sense to me that you write about how much you are trying to be pregnant and everyone who reads/writes also want the same thing, yet once someone accomplishes that goal, they're ostracized.

Uh, you all want that and if it happened to you it would be okay, right? Then stop hating. It's basically a situation of jealousy because in a heartbeat, these women would take your place.

Also, about reaching out. Like Brooke said, if a pregnant friend/family member did NOT reach out when I lost my full term son, I would never speak to them again. Maybe we don't want to hang out that much because we're living different lives, but a card, email, or phonecall is required. Show you give a shit, even if they aren't ready to receive it.

Anyway, blog away. Those who complain just haven't achieved their dream yet. We all have one common goal: HEALTHY BABIES. Shouldn't we be supportive of one another in our efforts? Shit, it's hard enough being in our shoes.

COME ON BABY said...

You're great. Always have been and always will be. I LOVE reading your blog. You are clever and smart! F*ck them sister!!! You can outwit those bitches day and night. I hope you are feeling well. Much love.

Kanis said...

As others have mentioned, your blog makes me hopeful that one day, I too will be writing about my pregnancy. I love your humour and truly look forward to your posts.

Anonymous said...

Your blog gives hope to others who are TTC. Those who are haters have just given up on that hope. That's why they cannot be happy for you. You have been TTC and have gone through so much for so long, you have the right to experience and express your pregnancy just like any other pregnant person would.

Kitty said...

I LOVE your blog and respect your honesty. I am still 'fighting the fight' and don't feel any less for you than when you were. In fact you give me hope that miracles can and do still happen. Those negative bettys must realise that this is YOUR BLOG - YOUR SPACE - YOUR VENTING GROUND IF YOU SO WISH and if they don't like it - THEN THEY SHOULDN'T READ IT! If I were you I'd tell them to FCK right off! You've done nothing but be gracious and after having had the odd 'moan' you haven't been out-of-line and most definitely you are not insensitive. Those people are bitter and twisted and I wonder if they ever think of how they would feel if the tables were turned on them????
I'm sorry but they have no right to vent like that and should keep their shtty opinions to themselves! Falling pregnant doesn't disqualify you from the 'infertility club' not like it's even a club anyone wants to belong to and it most certainly won't eliminate all thatyou have been through to reach that point. If anything you will have a tougher pregnancy as a result due to insecurities etc. So if they think it will all be sunshine and roses once they get their long-awaited BFP then seriously they need a good dose of reality!
So I say - as a loyal blog follower - don't ever feel the need to apologise to anyone ever!!!! This is your journey and you are entitled to your feelings and the occasional moan session! They shouldn't make you feel guilty and if anything they should feel so! Keep writing/blogging and don't change! I LOVE YOUR BLOG!

Tara dS said...

I think in general the anonymity of the internet gives people a forum to say things they would never dream of saying IRL. Which really sucks. I know they are in pain and I have been there myself... Adopted two kids and most likely will not experience pregnancy. I know the hurt like we all do.

For me, the saddest post you ever wrote was about your neighbor's kitty Patches. I cried and cried for you and that feeling of despair I knew so well. I was really, really rooting for you to get pregnant against the odds... So when you got your BFP, the tiny twinge of jealousy was far overshadowed by feelings of joy and relief for you. But I'm in a different place now that I have my children. However, even in the darkest depths of my despair, I never would have lashed out at a pregnant woman. That is truly unacceptable. I am sorry it bothers you as much as it does. Maybe you should get someone else to moderate your comments and emails for you, and delete the nasty ones. Is there really any reason to subject yourself to that hatefulness?

Take care and keep us up to date.

Ejules said...

I am so happy for you...the whole point of infertility treatments is to come out the other side with a healthy baby. Its shitty that some people can't look past their own shit. This is coming from someone who had 5 iuis, a lap, a failed fresh cycle of ivf, a saline sonohystogram, and finally a FET that resulted in miscarriage yesterday after over two and a half years. I love you and your baby. You go girl.

Damita said...

I love your blog - your blog posts still feel me with hope, can't believe people are sending you nasty emails :( it's your blog write what you want and stuff the rest of them

Anonymous said...

I may not be the best at commenting on your blog, and yes sometimes it's hard reading about pregnancies when you're not, but I would never imagine writing something ugly just because someone has reached their goal and I haven't. How immature! Even when I was at my worst, and ended up letting a great college friendship go because of her ability to conceive when I couldn't, I still wasn't mean to her. I just shut down emotionally and let go of what we had. It wasn't my finest moment, but I know she's happy, and I'm in a good place too so it just is what it is. Sorry you've got to deal with the crap. I think you have every right to have a happy post or down post at anytime during your pregnancy. You're right! You earned it!

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry that people have been giving you such grief. Still dealing with infertility myself, I am disgusted with people who need to make others suffer just because they are suffering. I check your blog daily for updates and still treasure them every bit as much as as I did when we were in the same place in the struggle. Your success inspires me and I look at your positive and negative feedback on pregnancy as a heads up on what I can expect when I too am blessed. Ignore the stinky people and keep blogging - the more the better!

Hillary said...

My only complaint about your blog is that it is on a pink background, therefore it is quite obvious to my coworkers when I am not doing work and reading your blog! Otherwise, I have never enjoyed reading an IF blog as much. Your humor is infectious, your writing entertaining yet grammatically correct (a pet peeve of mine... though there is the word, "poopy".. is it "poopie?" - i kid), and your story helps me to believe it is possible for me. Rock on.

Anonymous said...

I'm am not an infertile, just so happened to stumble across your blog and love reading it :)Screw all those mean people and please don't apologize for being pregnant and not feeling so great. I am currently 36 weeks and have a full time job and haven't missed one single meeting. I can't sleep, have hot/swollen hands, painful BH contractions, and pee every second. Sometimes you just gotta vent and that is OK! spend more time on your birthboard on baby center. They are much nicer.

Anonymous said...

Jay, it's sooooo sad that on your own blog you feel like you have to apologize for your own, honest feelings bc of ugly comments and reactions. I know it's not easy to read emails like that, and you shouldn't have to, they shouldn't send you any negative stuff, bc as you said, you've been on both sides, you understand everyone and you are not trying to hurt anyone's feelings here. That's why I kinda wanted to you have a new blog, where you can write about pregnancy FREELY, without tiptoeing around other people's feelings and hoping that you don't hurt anyone. It will always hurt someone!! No matter what! And it's not you who is hurting them.... they are already hurting, and they have to take it out on someone.
I wish I could read more about your pregnancy feelings, pains, happiness, excitement, fears... cuz there is so much to it. And I wish you were able to express all these without fearing that you would hurt someone. I know it's easier for me, cuz finally I have my baby... but even if I were still struggling with infertility, I would love to read about it.
And no matter if you only write good things about pregnancy or only bad ones.... those people that are hurting already, they will NOT like it... and you can't please them, no matter what you do.

IT was a really clever, polite post and I'm really pleased with your reaction to them.
I really wish you all the best, healthy pregnancy and an even healthier baby. I just hope you would post more about your days, feelings before it's gone (and while you have time before the baby gets here :)) and not worry about other people's reactions. LEt them to what they want of feel.....sooner or later they will regret it big time, once they have their own baby and they are miserable as hell while they are pregnant!!!! :)

Love, Eny

Anonymous said...

i got a long-winded email once upon a time, also blaming me for being ungrateful and a whole lot of other sins. I simply stopped participating in ICLW and pretty much limit myself to the pregnant blogs now.

Those still struggling probably find my blog too hard to read. And my heart aches and hurts when I read their blogs - I so want everyone to be pregnant!

But I am totally with you - I think that denying you the right complain is completely ridiculous. Those that don't are lying - to themselves and their followers. Besides, those aren't really complaints. The way I see it, the aches and pains are the way that pregnancy manifests itself. I absolutely have to post about those - because I am strangely excited by these aches... They mean I am pregnant!

Hugs - and don't let those comments get to you.

Sarah said...

Haters gonna Hate. I like your blog and want to hear more about your pregnancy and life, not about the haters! Ignore them and move on!

Anonymous said...

I'm going through my first IUI cycle soon after a failed clomid round and I love your blog. I am very happy for you and you give us hope. PLEASE post a preggo blog soon and let us know how it is going.

nurslouisa said...

Sorry the haters got ya down, I suggest hiring Sienna to track them down and throw poop at them, just kidding! Hope you are feeling better nausea wise and that the next few months are drama free!

Sam said...

Sorry hun, sometimes people are just so angry at their situation I guess that's the only way they know how to vent or feel better. It sucks though :(

I know pre-pregnancy, it was hard to listen to the complaints from pregnant ladies. Having infertility sucks! I swore I would never complain when I finally got pregnant. I didn't ever tell these people that though, even my friends who were pregnant, I just cried to my husband. Finally getting to my last trimester I was so uncomfortable and in pain, etc, etc, and I couldn't help but complain to my husband, and felt guilty every time. It's something I am so happy to have experienced, and I am so happy to now have my son, and I could not ever be more grateful for anything in the world- but it doesn't make it EASY. And even though my son is only 2 wks old now, I can tell the actually having the baby home part is even tougher! The cutest sweetest baby in the world and I love him more than anything, but it doesn't mean the sleepless nights and screaming baby for the last hour can be any less frustrating, or that I waived my right to feel the way I do, feel frustrated or like I need a break. My baby isn't any more well behaved because we struggled for him, and he doesn't care right now either! The same thing with your body during pregnancy!

Don't listen to the haters- it's unfortunately to be expected, but you do deserve this pregnancy. You do deserve to complain! And it will probably continue once the baby is here, but I think there's more people that enjoy reading your blog than not.

Emily said...

Hi Jay, so sorry you are receiving some nasty assured that you are cheering all of us up, pregnant or not!
Hugs and good luck - hope the nausea subsided ;)

Anonymous said...

I have to agree with Wonder Woman --

People who feel the need to go out of their way to not only be judgmental, but to express that negative attitude in the form of an email or comment have to have something lacking in their lives.... it's quite sad really...

On a side note - since I was just catching up....a baby boy!!! :) SO exciting!!

Anonymous said...

I want you to know that I still check in and still read and hope you'll continue writing. I'm hitting the big 2 years trying mark soon, with 3 IUIs and 1 IVF already attempted (plus a ridiculous amount of blood work). Reading your story, seeing your happy news makes me keep hope.

Anonymous said...

Hi there!!! I just want to say...ignore those who want to unleash their hurt on you. You and your little one are being prayed for right now, by me. I know how painful infertility is, but that is not fair they are taking out their pain on you. I pray you will stay healthy in every way, including staying POSITIVE. God bless you with His love and care and healing.


Anonymous said...

Hey Jay, I just came across your blog, because the words "J Lo's kids are ugly!" came across the computer screen when I Googled their names. I too, have to admit that I find the poor soles have taken after their father (I burst out laughing at your Schmark Schmanthony comparison!). Not unlike Christy Brinkley's first daughter taking after Billy Joel. They can't help it, but why is it such a horrific thing to say out loud? Do we all lie up front, all the while whispering visious comments behind the scenes? I have found that a lot of the time, ugly children turn into beautiful swans, and the opposite happens to beautiful children, so maybe they're the lucky ones after all. Anyway, congrats on your new baby...there's nothing in the world like parenthood. Best of luck with your blog.

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