PLEASE NOTE: If you are struggling with infertility or are currently trying to conceive and you DON'T want to read about my pregnancy (which I totally understand), I recommend starting at the beginning of the blog (March 2010) and reading from there. I find out I'm pregnant in June 2011 so there is a lot of trying to conceive posts in between that you might find funny, helpful or relatable. Wishing you all the luck in the world!

Friday, December 2, 2011

Missing: Memory, Sugar and Libido

This morning, my boss asked me what the mysterious appointment in his calendar was. As it turns out, I accidentally put my upcoming OB/GYN appointment in his calendar and not mine. Perhaps, in attempt to make light of the mistake, I should schedule a breast exam for him as well.

This is the way my brain has been lately. My energy tank is beginning to really run low, multi-tasking has become more of a challenge and my memory skills are similar to Dory’s in FINDING NEMO. I ask questions over and over again (it’s not that I forget the answer… I even forget I asked the question to begin with), I look for my glasses while I’m wearing them and lately, I’ll walk through the office with no clue of where I’m going. The other day, I was thinking how not filling my lunch was… only to realize I forgot to actually eat the lunch.

I’m 29 weeks pregnant today. It’s the start of my third trimester and clearly, my brain and body are behaving like a thirteen-year-old girl who doesn’t want to do any chores. “Ummm, like, you aren’t expecting us to do anything right now, are you? Cause like I’m good here on the couch. TTYL!”

In addition to laziness, lack of organizational skills and memory loss, I’m also finding that sex is becoming less and less appealing to me. At the end of last week, I sat my husband down and told him to think of my sex drive as a store that’s recently lost its lease. We’re having an, “Everything Must Go” sale in the next week but after that, we’re out of business. That’s right – if you act now, you can get two hand jobs for the price of one! Snuggling not included.

What’s also not helping matters is I took my gestational diabetes test and I was, allegedly, borderline. I say ‘allegedly’ because I’ve been tracking my blood sugar since the diagnosis and I have yet to come up with even one remotely questionable result. So far, the special diet I’m on (what do you MEAN I can’t have pumpkin pie???) and the sticking my finger four times a day seems pretty damn pointless. And after going through IVF quite frankly, I think I’ve stuck myself enough with needless to deem myself exempt from any further torture. Really – I should have gotten a “Get Out of Needle” free card.

When I took the initial one hour test, the nurses actually forgot about me. When I reminded them of my existence an hour and twenty minutes after I drank that disgusting orange liquid they make you drink, they were like, “Ohhhhh. That’s not good. We have to take the blood exactly an hour after you finished drinking the drink. Otherwise, it’s invalid.” After threatening their lives and the lives of their children, they took my blood anyway since if I failed, I would have failed twenty minutes earlier anyway. If I passed though, I would have to take the one hour again to confirm that I did really pass. Between this and the anatomy scan I had to take three times (not to mention my three in vitros), I can’t help but feel it’s my lot and life to never get anything correct on the first try.

The next morning, when the nurse called to tell me I failed, I was excited since it meant that even though the test got screwed up, it didn’t affect the results. Needless to say, my enthusiasm about having to take the three hour test surprised my nurse. It’s not often you say to a pregnant woman, “You have to fast, stay here for three hours while we take your blood every hour and you have to drink more of that orange crap.” and have the pregnant woman respond with, “That’s great news! When should I come in???

Something about having an overly positive response to the prospect of gestational diabetes cracked me up so I decided to keep this over-the-top enthusiasm throughout my three hour test. When it came time to drink the drink, I brought my own glass and put a paper umbrella in it. Every hour I had to get my blood drawn, I would say something to the nurse like, “Woo hoo! Take my blood you sexy thing!” or “I can’t wait to see how this hour turns out!” or "Pick a vein! Any vein!" or my personal favorite, “I’m going to put on make-up for our last hour in case we’re taking graduation photos!” I don’t mean to brag but the nurses said I was the most fun patient they ever had for glucose testing. I'm quite proud of this.

Again, the results came back as borderline so they hooked me up with a nutritionist and a glucose testing meter. I’ve managed to keep my humorously positive attitude about it as the diet really isn’t all that bad… it’s just the actual needle finger pricking thing that’s a bit of a drag… especially when it genuinely seems like I don’t have gestational diabetes.

Any which way, I do think the lack of some of my favorite carbs (macaroni & cheese… I’m looking at you) and not being able to indulge in cookies and cake during the holiday season is getting to me. This weekend is my baby shower…something I’ve literally waited my whole life for and I’m telling you now - I'm going to have a cup cake dammit! I know I won’t feel guilty about it though… mainly because I’m sure I’ll forget I even ate a cupcake within an hour.


IF ME said...

I just left you a liebster Blog award! (um, I now realize you do not have <200 followers, but...)

peesticksandstones said...

I had GD (which really took me by surprise -- I thought I'd already had my allotment of crap). My case always seemed pretty borderline, too, but I just went along with it all and the numbers were very easily controlled with diet. The fun part was really that a key seemed to be eating fat/protein along with a carb. So full-fat ice cream was okay, but Tasti Delite was not. Pancakes were not okay, yet cheesecake worked for me. Now that's a 'diet' I can get behind.

The worst part, though, was the stress that can be put on GD folks regarding 'OMG giant baby!!' Interestingly, me and a couple other gals I know who had (controlled) GD babies at the same time all ended up having smallish-end-of-normal babies. But I always felt so worried that a stray cracker was going to mean I'd have a 100-pound baby they'd have to split me in half the remove. Fortunately, not the case.

My nutritionist (you're in NYC, right?) was pretty awesome if you need a recco. I've actually seen her post-pregancy for extra help with other stuff, I liked her so much. Just email me at peesticksandstones at gmail dot com. Best of luck!

Cristy said...

My father is a physician. I remember all the stories about the some of the more memorable patients, particularly the ones that involved the patients adding a bit of humor or hope to his day. I'm certain those nurses are never going to forget you. Hell, they may start handing out paper umbrellas.

Boo to the diabetes, though. You've been through enough already and deserve a pass on the needles.

Hope the baby shower is filled with joy (and thanks for the reminder . . . I have to start knitting!!!).

Anonymous said...

LOL, what a hilarious post :)
sex. Hmmm. You got me thinking - and I realized last we had some was a month ago!!!

So I guess this is a normal "side effect" of being preggo. Seriously - we used to have sex VERY frequently. VERY. So... a month ago??? it makes no sense. But I don't even miss it!!!

And I also feel like sitting on a couch and not even pretending to offer some help.

Booking my boss for an ob-gyn appointment... now, that didn't happen - thanfully, because I am allowed to manage only my own schedule (I don't even have access to booking boardrooms... for some reason).

Forgetting even asking a question? Yeah. Totally.

Hang in there, I heard that when the baby arrives, it gets even more fun ;)

Rebecca said...

The forgetfulness I can sympathize with you on even though I'm not pregnant...I have fibromyalgia and I forget shit all the time and forget if I've asked a question too. LOL

Yes, I too think we should have an exempt from needle card after IVF. Sheesh 54 injections later and still no baby...stay away from me and that needle please!

I'm hoping that if I'm lucky enough to get pregnant I don't end up with gestational diabetes...both my parents are diabetics and I'm not exactly a slim jim.

Enjoy your cup cake. One shouldn't make that much difference.

Hope you have an easy labor.

Emily said...

LOL! You are hilarious! My Hubby and his friend were looking at me funny cuz I was laughing so hard. I have been through those glucose tests many times cuz I have problems with low blood sugar. Try a 6 hour one!

Have a wonderful time at your shower!! I can't wait to hear about it!

Mrs. S said...

You crack my shit up. That is all!

Shannon said...

One of my specialties is GD - and as a doctor, I'm ordering you to have 1 - or even 2 cupcakes at your shower. One high sugar never hurt any baby.

And as for the libido thing? When I was pregnant my libido was in overdrive. Which really sucked, since I'm single.

Anonymous said...

You know, you're really scaring me now: I'm very unfortunately not pregnant - but my brain is behaving pretty much like yours ;-)
Hilarious story! :-)

S said...

I love your writing style and always enjoy reading your posts!

Sorry to hear about your GD. I have it, too, and oddly enough, when I met with the diabetic educator at my perinatologist's office, she said I wasn't eating enough carbs. Go figure.

Oh yeah, and the sex thing? My husband decided a few weeks ago that he feels to weird about it to do it. I was not at all sad. :-)

Anonymous said...

Hi there
Just wanted to let you know I've nominated you for the Liebster Blog Award as I enjoy reading your blog so much. Hope everything is going OK with you? How annoying that they stuffed up your diabetes test! I had the same thing two weeks ago and would have been really annoyed if they had forgotten about me as redoing it would be such a pain!
BarrenLazza x

nurslouisa said...

The GD thing sucks I mean I waited my who life and spent s loads of $ to get prego and mow no cupcake!?!!! Not fair!!!!! I definately would have a least 2. GD be dammed!! Oh and that forgetfulness doesn't get any better after the baby arrives, it gets worse.

kerri said...

ooh... the dreaded glucose test... it's no wonder people get questionable results with the most sugary thick disgusting drink they can provide...

hope you had a great shower!

C said...

Oh man, you never fail to crack me up. I love your positive outlook on things. (And I hope you had a great shower!)

dspence said...

So sorry to hear about the borderline tests. Hope the shower was amazing!

Viagra Suppliers said...

Congratulations on your new baby! Well, there is always a solution to everything! Just continue doing all the great things like posting more of your awesome posts! Thanks

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