PLEASE NOTE: If you are struggling with infertility or are currently trying to conceive and you DON'T want to read about my pregnancy (which I totally understand), I recommend starting at the beginning of the blog (March 2010) and reading from there. I find out I'm pregnant in June 2011 so there is a lot of trying to conceive posts in between that you might find funny, helpful or relatable. Wishing you all the luck in the world!

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

A Round of Fertility Anecdote Fun


I started writing a whole blog post about the last few months and then I realized… it would be a perfect post for NIAW so I’m going to save it for then. It was almost weird how that happened as I was writing stream of consciousness and the phrase, “listen up…” came to mind. I’m like, “Holy crap! That’s the theme of this year’s National Infertility Awareness Week. I just unintentionally wrote one of my posts…” Soooo, I’ll put that one on the shelf… if I had a shelf. Damn this small house in Brooklyn!

It’s been awhile and one of my goals for 2017 was to blog more. Since my original post is currently on a make believe shelf, I figured I’d like to share some “fertility anecdotes” I’ve collected in recent months to hopefully give you a chuckle.

And of course, if you have any of your own, please include in comments!

One: Right Sample, Wrong Office

A man shared with me that he was meant to drop off his sperm sample. He “collected it”, was driving to the doctor’s office and received a work call. He was so stressed about both delivering the sample and work that he was a bit distracted. He walked into the doctor’s office, went up to the front desk, put the cup on the counter and explained to the receptionist what it was. She promptly responded with, “Sir… this is an ophthalmologist’s office. I think you want the doctor down the hall.” If she were a good marketer, she would have suggested he stay for an eye exam.

Two: Don’t Take My Wife – please

Believe it or not, this second anecdote is ALSO about a sperm sample. This was back in the day when we all used VHS tapes and VCR’S. Yes… I know… that was a while back. A man went to give his sample and brought in a VHS tape of his wife that she made for him. I’d like to pause and talk about this man’s true dedication to his spouse as I would imagine most husbands would like to live a little and check out something new. ANYWAY, he watched the tape, got the sample and headed home. Trouble is that once he arrived home – he realized he LEFT the tape of his wife in the sample room. He of course called the clinic immediately to get the tape but there were other men who used the room after him so one can only wonder who else saw it. I would love to know if he shared this information with his wife but if he was smart, he didn’t.

Three: Clean Contacts

A friend of the family who is a doctor shared this one with me. She had a patient who kept contracting one STD after another. When she called to tell the patient that she again had tested positive for a new strain, the patient said, “I don’t know why this keeps happening!” The doctor said, “I think you should check your contacts.” (Meaning the people she comes into contact with). The patient responded with, “I do. I clean them every day before putting them in my eyes!”

Four: Arrested Embryo

I was talking to a newbie about the IVF process and she was telling me about a recent appointment with her reproductive endocrinologist. She said that he used the term, “Arrested Embryo”. She said, “I was too embarrassed to ask what that meant. I’m assuming it’s people who are going through IVF while in prison.” I’m not sure how she made that conclusion but at least she didn’t think it was a sitcom starring Jason Bateman.

In closing, I sincerely am planning to write more here. I think what happened was I’ve been blogging other places that I neglected this space. It’s like Blogspot is saying, “Ummmm, Jay? Have you been seeing other blogs???” And although I have, they don’t mean nearly as much to me as this one does. The friends that I’ve made online and especially through this blog have meant the world to me.

To prove though that I really have been seeing other blogs, here are a few of the posts I’ve written elsewhere if you want to check them out:
As you can see, although they have their own well-written flair, this is the space where I can really let it hang out!

With hope and humor... as always,

Jay